Let the spoofing begin! Lards: Part One entrances in the spirit of dastardly Lords of Bakersfield and Moon Pies - By N.L. Belardes

Just when I wondered if anyone even read my book, here comes the first ever spoof of Lords: Part One. It's written in painstaking obese-driven MOON PIE chompin' prose by someone with a band profile on bakotopia.com called The Regulators. I love the symbolism for what the spoofer believes the original work to be about... but I'll let you try to decipher for yourself.


Buy the non-spoof

Lards Part One is damn good hilarious reading. I don't know about you, but I'm glued to this spoof like a fat lady on a couch watching Oprah with bon bons between her teeth:

LARDS PART 1 (CHAPTER 1) West Hollywood, 1977, California,
USA (1)

As the movie, War of the Gauguin II®., twinkled towards its hairy end, Chubsy Wubsy giggled. A mass of empty candy wrappers and popcorn fragments hovered beneath his blubbery set of chins -his ravenous mouth dropping crumbs with each chew cycle - and the copious M & M debris, his booming fart cast echos across the theater; the smell of the flatulence caused Fatty Theirbuckle to announce: “smells like Scooter Pies®.” ! All chewing stopped on a dime. If it were not for the War of the Gauguin II®, you could have heard the proverbial pin drop. At the time Scooter Pies®. and Moon Pies® were not available in West Hollywood and the two chubby teens had no car. Chubsy was the first to make the daring proposal, but fatty was thinking it. "Bakersfield!®" exclaimed Chubsy. Fatty repeated the name under his breath several times with a honey glazed® stare.

Chubsy knew Fatty was just learning the ropes. There was a lot more Chubsy wanted to teach the young Moon-pie® hunter. Chubsy still had some popcorn, candy and half a hot dog left. It was a bag shoved is his left pocket. He took the bag out and poured the remains, the equivalent of about one fat shovel-full, into his mouth. Fatty wanted to learn to be a master but he didn’t know how to talk to Chubsy, he felt almost insignificant near him - after all, this was the grand master.

Fatty took a shot at speaking to him, “Mr Wubsy, why do a lot of great snack foods have great jingle songs but not Moon Pies?” Chubsy paused as in deep thought, the darkness of the night showing off his massive silhouette, and then he said with great reverence “According to food historians, manufactured marshmallow cake and cookie treats were first marketed to the American public in the early decades of the 20th century. These most likely descended from Victoria sandwich cakes. Advances in technology made marshmallow products of all kinds readily available to the American public. Products proliferated. The History of the Great American Moon Pie®. is rather obscure, however, in his book, "The Great American MoonPie®. Handbook", Mr. Dickson had written of the MoonPie's® lost history. Not long after his book was published, he received a telephone call from Earl Mitchell, Jr., identifying his deceased father, Earl Mitchell, Sr., as the person responsible for the invention of the MoonPie®. You see, said Chubsy, you don’t write a jingle for an American institution like the Moon-pie®...

(read all of chapter one)
(See the book cover)

This entry was posted by N.L. Belardes, on Friday, July 14, 2006. You can leave your response.