Would you buy a book from a butt muncher? A peek at Lisa Crystal Carver's post-punk memoir Drugs Are Nice - By N.L. Belardes

Counterculture memoir in the raw...

Sure, I'd even buy two books from a well-written butt muncher.

I mean, I could be inspired from the book itself to munch a butt or two…

And would gender matter? Now I’m scaring myself.

I hadn't read such a raw memoir as Lisa Crystal Carver's Drugs Are Nice: A Post Punk Memoir since reading Jan Kerouac's Baby Driver. You all know Jan Kerouac, right? She was the only offspring of Jack Kerouac, lived a nomadic life and died from kidney failure at a young age. Baby Driver is an amazing raw work of art—humanity on the edge.

Don’t worry. Lisa Crystal Carver is going to be kicking for a long while longer.


They are... and then your life falls apart.

I admitted to Lisa’s agent, Erin Hosier of The Gernert Company that I was intimidated for once. How could I interview someone who had experienced so much life? So much punk? So many travels? So much… ass?

I live in a cardboard box compared to Lisa Crystal Carver. Hell, she writes for Nerve.com (Read her article, “Lost: The first time I had sex after a miscarriage”). And she was in Suckdog, one of the premiere punk opera bands of all time. I could write about her zine sensation, Rollerderby, and all the famous people she has met through the years, including the infamous GG Allin. Erin assured me that Lisa is indeed human, and harmless.

That’s good to know.

Drugs Are Nice builds at first as a punk memoir about an unmanageable kid suckdogged into a life of raw punk, where nothing matters but the stage of life, where punk is the opera of anything and everything, and being young means unraveling right there on the stage.


What's inside? Sex talk? Life talk? Girl talk? What?

Eventually, Drugs are Nice takes a more monumental shape, one that links the common experience of oppression, especially that bound by a woman’s submission to the world of one male super ego. It’s how Lisa Crystal Carver manages her feelings about her father, about the other men in her life, and how she makes the biggest sacrifices a mother can make for her child.

Drugs are Nice is a funny read, a disgusting read, and one of real life obstacles, expectations, the joy of being a parent, and of the succumbing to evil parents, all in one work of literary art. For those who read counterculture works, Drugs are Nice is a must read...


Oppression: hate it.

With that said, on to my fabulous interview with Lisa Crystal Carver:

N.L: Drugs are Nice at first reads like the experiences of a girl living in the fast lane of punk days. Yet the reader discovers clues along the way, decisions the girl makes that leads her (you) into a situation of oppression. Care to elaborate on some of those clues?

Lisa: I hate when people read the book! Can't you just look at the cover?

N.L: I can't help but want to find Boyd and kick him in the nuts. He's the kind of guy that sinks those around him to the lowest of lows. Does your book speak out as a slap in the face of all oppressors, does any certain person(s) come to mind, or?

Lisa: Ah, yes, oppressors. I do seek them out, worm my way into their confidence, then I seem to attempt to destroy them from within. It's childhood revenge. Laying the father then slaying the father.


Lisa interviewing Chewbacca's daughter about sexcapades

N.L: You wrote a post-punk memoir. Are you still punk? Why?

Lisa: Oh god. That's like asking me if I'm still a white person.

N.L.: Talk about your current writing career as if I'm Dr. Freud wanting to know your deepest sexual writer fantasies...

Lisa: What the hell are you talking about?

N.L.: Is writing for the Nerve just paying the bills? Or is it a promotional tool for you to reach more potential fans? Or? While you're at it, who was your favorite interview/article of all time? Is there a hyperlink?

Lisa: Uh, Nick, what the hell are you talking about?

N.L.: Were you manipulated by your father in some way? Do you think parents manipulate kids? I mean, I manipulate mine every day. Just the other day I talked them into destroying our couch and being in the photo shoot to promote punk shui...

Lisa: Jesus!

N.L.: Because of your experiences described in Drugs are Nice do you consider yourself more in touch with reality than other people, or more distant? I don't know what I'm getting at other than I want to know if you think your book is better than reality TV.

Lisa: Uh...



N.L.: If you went to the zoo and saw monkeys throwing poo would it remind you of your old band, Suckdog? Explain...

Lisa: I wrote OPERAS, man. Operas. All monkeys are primates, but not all primates are monkeys.

N.L.: What's up with all the sex talk? Are you some kind of expert on butt munching or something? Why do you consider yourself an expert?

Lisa: Well I guess I'm an expert because I've been doing it for 25 years. I started in pre-adolescence, and I've kept doing it every minute, every hour. What's up with it? I just love to lick the mighty ass. The hairier, the staineder, the better. Chomp chomp chomp. Hairy ass cookies. Why write about children and clouds when all I can think about is an ass hovering over my face and crunching on it. When I hear the crunch crunch crunch of unclean unders, my hemipeen is up. That's what's up. Intersex. The way I love ass best is double-stuffed. I can't even get enough. Have you ever had a girl deep throat your ass.
Signed, The Muncher

N.L.: Tell my readers about how people like Erin Hosier fit in to your whirlwind life?

Lisa: Well, we butt munch together. When we first met, she thought she couldn't handle it, but I said, "Baby, you got the jaw for butt munching. You could get under and get in places no one else has munched before." I'm having an hallucination of a smell right now, just remembering it. It was magic.



The mysterious Erin Hosier's pet, Munchy "Ruff Ruff" Munchhosen

N.L.: OK, last question. And thanks again for the interview. We want to really promote your excellent work over here at Paperback Writer. What's up next in your writing career? I can't wait to read your next big work... I'm hooked.

Lisa: On eating geriatric ass. It's a tough line of work, my friend.

*Purchase Lisa's book here

This entry was posted by N.L. Belardes, on Tuesday, November 28, 2006. You can leave your response.