Hazel Dixon-Cooper’s Rotten Day book series don’t mess around with your rotten life. Buy Now! - By N.L. Belardes

Hazel Dixon-Cooper AKA THE SWAMI is talking to you!

If you’re looking for last minute Christmas presents, something for someone you love or hate, then I know some books you can pick up. This is it! And I don’t just mean pick up. I mean get your tail to Russo's, Borders, or Barnes & Noble, and pick up and read yourself before you give away as final Xmas gifts. A dose of honesty, a reflective dip in the pool of love, or your future according to your very unfabulous personality type? Hey, if you’re looking to psychoanalyze all the flaws in the personality of your new lover, or your long-time partner, then Hazel Dixon-Cooper’s Love on a Rotten Day and Born on a Rotten Day are musts.

Did I just mention, lovers? Oh I meant your significant other, or your spouse, or your best friend of the opposite sex who tells you that you will be their best pally wally forever. Are they just feeding you a line? A dose of honesty might be what they need, and let me tell you Hazel A.K.A THE SWAMI does not mess around. According to Hazel I was definitely born on a rotten apple of a day. She tells me all kinds of truths about myself that I freely admit to here, but that most people would get so squeamish they would throw the book at the head of the person who purchased it.

Truth can hurt, literally.

(Stir your morning rottenness with Hazel and Cosmo at 7:10 a.m. Pacific time, and Go To Bed With Cosmo at 6 p.m. Pacific time. Hazel takes calls from listeners on the evening show, so call her: Sirius Satellite Channel 111. 1-888-81-COSMO)


This is how much an asshole I really am...


Is this THE SWAMI?

What are you, a Libra? A Capricorn? A Taurus? Read the Rotten series, and learn how you really do ruin the lives of others including yourself. Why buy the books? Because you need truth dammit! And they make for great coffee table books and party get-together bed wetters. Yes, everyone at the party will start peeing their pants when they begin reading passages that tell them they are indeed HUMAN and ROTTEN.


Is this THE SWAMI?

Think if Lemony Snicket preached apocalyptic and hypnotic prose to adults. Hazel, oh dear me, you SWAMI, you are definitely that and more in Born on a Rotten Day.


Oh my God! I am truly rotten to the core!

And don’t think Love on a Rotten Day fares much better. I mean it's great. Buy it! But be prepared for reality TV in your own life of fake love and fluffy pseudo-romance. Sure, you might have a love bunny in your life. But Hazel tells you why you're allergic to bunnies and find more fascination in Bugs Bunny cartoons than your fine furry buck-toothed lover. You’ll learn just why you aren’t the perfect soulmate for Paris Hilton and Britney Spears (Or Johnny Depp) and just why they might think you’re retarded. Yes, it’s because you’re human and can’t see straight. But that’s beside the point. Are you getting my point? Astrology, written from a no-holds-barred perspective is delightful, honest, brutal, and if you can admit defeat prior to reading THE SWAMI’S books, then you’ll absolutely appreciate Hazel’s sharp wit and fiery humor. I know I do.


Love me tender, Hazel...

And it rubs off on her friends too! Hazel’s mysterious counterparts in the literary world all seem to have an uncanny way of seeing just how transparent our souls really are. Now, if she could just fix mine...


Could this be THE SWAMI?

Check out our ROTTEN interview:

N.L.: Let me just say that upon reading your twin constellations (Your books) that I was guided to the very stars in an out-of-body experience that literally slapped me in the face and punched me in the stomach. I hurtled back to Earth a molten lump of meteorite. Care to comment?

Hazel: Most Libras have frequent out-of-body experiences...it's a naughty Venus thing.

N.L.: I have faced some kind of reality check to rediscover if my personality traits are as rotten as your book claims them to be. They're all true. How about your own personality traits? Are they rotten too?

Hazel: I'm impressed Dr. Nick! You're one of those rare people who have the honest indecency to admit that they are rotten. Most tell me that, in my books, I nailed their rotten friends and relatives, however, their sign didn't sound like them at all. Give yourself 100 enlightenment points.

As for my rotten side, what can the Swami say except that I'm a Neptune-ruled child of the Sixties. Sex, drugs, rock and roll. However, I can honestly say that I've never inhaled anything—having preferred double-chocolate brownies to rolling my own. And, I haven't been drunk lately (not since Tuesday after writing class). By the way, I think you have the cutest feet.



Hazel? Are you in there?

N.L.: Thank you, Hazel. Ahem. Do you have any rotten traits that help you to be a prolific writer?

Hazel: I read lips and always carry mini-binoculars and a notebook. Gemini rising (don't tell Bonnie), which commands me to comment on everything under the Sun. Plus, a shark-like sense of humor that only appears on paper, or after a few beers.

N.L.: I heard you're from the Central Valley? Tell Dr. Nick about your childhood and how it helped you to become who you are: a woman tapped into the unseen cosmos of
interpreting auras.

Hazel: I'm from Alpaugh (go Buffalos!) - that alkali-covered village a little north of Bakersfield. Growing up isolated and on a farm, my choices were very limited—stay in my room reading Cosmo and Linda Goodman, or get pregnant at 14 and temporarily become Mrs. Ricky Bobby Redneck, Jr. Shudder.

I was born tapped into the Universe. As Baby Swami I knew it wasn't wise to speak about the Moon's phases, other than the best times to fish or plant okra. However, against my family's advice ("Yer goin' straight to Hell kid."), I followed my own destiny--studying astrology, burying snips of my sister's hair in the backyard, and dancing under the cottonwood trees every Full Moon.


This might not be Hazel either

N.L.: Talk about Bonnie Hearn Hill and Cindy Wathen. Are they rotten too? What do these ladies auras mean to you?

Hazel: Swami Woman never squeals on her friends.

These women have stellar auras and balls-to-the-walls resolve. Bonnie is a double-Gemini. In plain-speak this means that she writes with both hands and one foot (two if she's on an editorial deadline while she's finishing a novel). Cindy is a discriminating Virgo—but not the precious kind. Beneath that movie star face, she's as tough as nails. We affectionately called her the Budget Nazi at Yosemite.


You're way too damn serious. Just accept the reality

N.L.: Look, I'm no hypnotist, but I bet if I could get you hypnotized you'd tell an amazing story about how you hooked up with Cosmopolitan magazine. Tell the tale in pure hypnotic fashion:

Hazel: I would have to swallow the black capsule before I could allow myself to be hypnotized. I could get locked up for my dark-side fantasies, besides, I'm saving them for a book.

Connecting with Cosmo is a true-life truth-is-stranger-than-fiction story. The publicist at my publisher, Simon and Schuster, sent a pre-publication galley to Cosmo’s book editor to review. As serendipity would have it, the former Bedside Astrologer had just resigned and Cosmo loved my book (Born On A Rotten Day) and invited me to audition for the column. That grew into the daily horoscope for Cosmo Mobile, our cell phone product, then Friday guest spots on Cosmo Radio – Wake Up With Cosmo at 7:10 a.m. Pacific time, and Go To Bed With Cosmo at 6 p.m. Pacific time. I take calls from listeners on the evening show, so call me sometime…Sirius Satellite Channel 111. 1-888-81-COSMO.


Am I getting warmer or fluffier?

N.L.: Which book was easier to write: Love on a Rotten Day, or Born on a Rotten Day? I mean, you must have tapped into some kind of freaky plane of universal zodiac characteristics floating in an ethereal fog that you just grabbed and wrote down. You make astrological-related writing seem easy.

Hazel: Born On A Rotten Day was the hardest. As a procrastinating Pisces and first-time author, I really had no conception of how much time it would take to write the manuscript. It was due to my publisher in seven months and I finished the last chapter at 5AM on the morning I had to FedEx it to my editor. Although I am still a procrastinator, I’m not stupid – so Love Rotten went much smoother and I finished it a week or so ahead of deadline.

It did come from a freaky plane, the one in my head, and the books were fun to write because I could say on paper all the little nasty things I would never say to someone’s face, being politely raised in the Southern way. You know, that’s where you only say nasty stuff behind someone’s back, or when you’ve had a couple of beers, or are trying to run over them with your truck.

For me, all writing is hard. Some days I sit here, staring at the cursor blinking and it’s a struggle to get one page written. So, thank you for saying that I made it seem easy. That’s a great compliment.


Hazel, it's you!! She's on the right. Writer, Connie Fulmer is on her left, They're at the Yosemite Writers Conference. I was there. Read all eight parts

N.L.: Have you worked on another book lately? What topic? Will I read it and feel like I'm an asshole just like Born on a Rotten Day did? I mean, I hope so.

Hazel: Yes, my new book proposal just sold to the Weiser Books division of Red Wheel/Weiser/Conari publishing. This one is about women’s friendships/relationships. So it shouldn’t make you feel like an asshole, Dr. Nick, but you might learn a few secrets about the women in your life.

N.L.: Hazel, do you have any final words of wisdom?

Hazel: Yes, Dr. Nick, never stop kicking ass…especially your own until you get what you want in life.

*********
And that’s why I love Hazel: “never stop kicking ass”. I love that line! Now, run and buy these last minute gifts. Your future depends on it!

Born on a Rotten Day and Love on a Rotten Day at Amazon

This entry was posted by N.L. Belardes, on Thursday, December 21, 2006. You can leave your response.