N.L. to appear on inaugural Red Eye Radio Show with comedian John Wessling and Puck - By N.L. Belardes

Late night radio will never be the same since comedian John Wessling of Hellgig America asked, “What if Art Bell was a stand-up comic?”

Sure, creepy abounds on Art Bell’s show of demented UFO believers, apocalyptic bell ringers and interviews with the ghost of Bigfoot. But where’s the comedy? The comedy, my friends is going to run rampantly alongside the macabre on the brand new Red Eye Radio Show.

There’s going to be readings from my own dirty book: Lords: Part One, there’s going to be potty ghost talk, UFO-gazing, and theorizing as to how mankind may just be God’s special sausage.

The show itself will be recorded live Saturday night from 11PM-3AM on Bakersfield’s KGEO 1230 AM Radio. You can listen outside of city limits on warpradio.com. Or you can wait to download podcasts of the show which will be exclusively premiering on nlbelardes.com. (Click here to find links to Red Eye, Puck, John Wessling, Warp Radio and more)

John Wessling will be joined by Puck of The Puck Show as the two interview authors, scientists, ghost hunters, and more about the paranormal in us all.

Excited? Yes. I can’t wait to talk serious while throwing in some comedy about Bakersfield urban myths, creepy ghost stories and alien lights. Sure, it might just be kids with flashlights, but hey this is Bakersfield, and here we’re close enough to the secrecy of Edward’s Air Force Base, and ghost sightings by the locally revered, Arthur Chilling. I hear Arthur Chilling may even call into the show.

Crop circles, anyone?

I asked Comedian John Wessling why he was doing the Red Eye Radio Show. While we spoke he was near Sunset and Vine, driving in circles. Tires squealed as he was submersed in conversation and strange LA moments filled with sirens and talk of alien blow-up dolls:

“Not just was I a radio kid to begin with, radio is a medium that only advances so far. No matter how digital you make it, radio is fully evolved, classic, free and there’s something romantic about being on AM through the end of the night. It’s like your own personal solar flare. I believe the overnight shift is the prime time of the future. You see with all this global warming people will soon become lizards and sleep under rocks during the day to keep cool. They’ll stay awake at night just to listen to the Red Eye…

“I respect and love Art Bell, George Noory, and Wolfman Jack. They’re my idols and heroes, but there’s room for competition. And besides, there’s a lot of people who can’t sleep who need to be catered to… The Red Eye is not so much a lean to the macabre. It’s not like I’ve committed to a Goth wardrobe. We’re talking comedy, the bastard brother of tragedy. The first sign of healing after tragic events is comedy… I want this show to sound like books on tape while it’s being recorded. There is definitely some theatre to it, some staged events. I am a descendent of H.G Wells and PT Barnum and so I’m going to use our forum to propagate odd thought and odd behavior. Now we gotta get out of here. We’re nearing Hollywood High and I’m feeling like I’m being triangulated with this phone call…”

And then there was silence.

Tune in to the Red Eye Radio Show Saturday night as it’s recorded live from 11PM-3AM on Bakersfield’s KGEO 1230 AM Radio. You can listen outside of city limits on warpradio.com. Or you can wait to download podcasts on nlbelardes.com.

Join the Red Eye friends on myspace.com/theredeyeradioshow.

Meathead, a filmmaker obsessed with Superman - By N.L. Belardes

I’m listening to Meathead serenade me right now. He’s on Bakersfield’s KRAB 106.1 radio talking about the new Superman movie. I remember I was in the studio the day he saw the trailer.

Talk about a big kid getting excited about a movie. Meathead is a connoisseur of the comic in himself and of comic book films. He knows lines from movies and could probably tell you every detail and hiccup of every Superman film, ever.

And he kind of looks like Lex Luthor on steroids. He’s that big. Though I liken him more as a gentle superhero rather than a dark villain. So don't let his looks fool you.


Meathead: the superman I have been looking for


A hero among us mortals. It's true!

Next week he’s even going to give details about what he calls “hiccups in the current Superman movie.” He did note today on the radio that he loves the new film.

Recently I attended “The Meatydish Show” starring many local bands in cool videos. Oh, you didn’t hear about it? It was at the local Bakersfield Independent Film Festival. There were films about love, murder, naked people parties, fish, superheroes, murderous fairy tale creatures, lonely men, coming of age murder stories, hectic cop shoot-outs, at 11:00 news flashes, and more.

And music videos starring local Bakersfield bands. Many of them. All of them made by Meathead, a filmmaker with a film degree from Florida State. And his expertise doesn’t stop there. Meathead is also part of the Brighthouse on-demand TV show, Damaged TV. Damaged TV is a hilarious show with skits, interviews, and stars Meathead, Rocky, Desi and friends including Francis Mayer and Meathead’s brother…

As a result of my recent article where I criticized a pregnant lady who still might kill me, her husband who should have, and myself for wrongly wanting to skip out on the film, Youthanasia, I also came down hard questioning why Meatydish Productions did not attend. Was I just hurt myself? Or was I disappointed in a greater scene not showing total support of Meathead himself and the BIFF?

I wrote:

Meatydish Production folks skip film festival

BIFF’s short entries included a barrage of film shorts that included Meatydish Productions music videos and hilarious episodes from their Brighthouse Network show, Damaged TV. Although there was a nice crowd in attendance, no one from Meatydish or any of the promoted bands or radio showed up to the event other than The Filthies on Saturday to help promote their “Embalm You” video. Especially disturbing was the Krotch video. The audience wasn’t sure whether to clap or not until one lone audience member from the video stood and clapped. I thought the director’s non-attendance was embarrassing, since the films and videos promoted local music, radio and TV personalities. Was it egos or did they just not know about BIFF? Strange.

The truth came out in a recent phone call with Meathead of KRAB radio who said he was hurt over my paragraph. Luckily we were far apart so he couldn't strangle me. I explained to him that I aimed my piece at being critical about a lack of total support, and even bashed myself for wanting to walk out on a film. I understood Meathead might have a good reason for not showing up, and he did. He wrote on my blog:

First I would like to say Congrats to all the talent that was showcased during the B.I.F.F 1.5. And second I am sorry I couldn't make it due to an undesirable case of Green POOP. Yeah I said it—you know dollar bill green, but this green cost me my weekend along with horrible chest congestion that only Bako has to offer.

That being said. To my friend N.L. Belardes who colorfully commented that my absence was, oh yes I remember now "Embarrasing" . To you Nick - I shake my fist and wag my finger.

There are so many people I would like to work with and hopefully will be able to. Even you Nick.

M

Oh yes, Meathead spoke out on the blog, and rightly so. And now that is cleared up, where were all the people who Meathead filmed who should have come out and supported him? Bands, get off your asses and support Meathead. Your videos were shown on the big screen. Where were you and your fans? You should have been dancing in the aisles! Damaged TV actors: go support Meathead when his artwork is shown. His vision as a filmmaker is just beginning to be realized (And I know he gets a lot of support. I just wanted to SEE the support firsthand at the festival)

Meathead is a community servant, and a person with artistic goals.

Appreciate what he lends to the music and film scene. He’s helping to fuse the arts in this building of the Bakersfield Renaissance…

I spoke out and Meathead responded. Let me just end this piece by saying while I lived in Vegas I was approached by a questionable lady only once. Was that luck or am I that ugly? I was standing near the Lady Luck Hotel-Casino while waiting for a ride. I worked for Up in the Air Productions, a subsidiary of the Golden Nugget Hotel-Casino of Mirage Resorts and we made cheesy sound and light shows for the Fremont Street Experience. I leaned against a planter and the lady walks up and says, “Are you the Superman I’ve been looking for?”

I swear I am not lying.

No, I wasn’t her Superman, but Meathead is mine.

*NOTE: Meathead is currently developing a very secretive and dark project that he won't talk about but that will promote Noveltown's Cinema of the Lords Short Film Contest...

Is Justin Berry, the new young Lord of Bakersfield, playing the victim? - By N.L. Belardes

Oh yes, I wrote to you recently how I worked with an internet porn star, and about the strange parallel between Berry and the young character in my novel, Lords: Part One, also about gay youth run rampant in a malicious adult world of power and corruption.


Image from Detroit Free Press site

I didn't work with him intentionally. But it happened in the strangest of work environment circumstances. You can read all about it in my article, "Justin Berry, the new young Lord of Bakersfield".

Now the other side of the story is speaking out. In a website titled "The Truth about Justin" you will read a very controversial blog, articles, and discover questions as to the possible true intentions of internet sex prince, Justin Berry. A new Millennium era Lord of Bakersfield? A Joey Minstrel of the Third Kind? Could be.

Go look for yourself and form your own opinion.

There's more. Recently in the criminal case against Kenneth Gourlay, the star witness and alleged victim both have ended up in the hospital with emotional diagnoses. Read more in the Detroit Free Press article, "Teen Accuser in Internet Porn Case Hospitalized".

One of Justin Berry's friends speaks out in a blog entry criticizing Berry, indicating that Berry's sexual desires and intentions may be questionable.

The new website asks that you submit evidence.

Will you?

Morbid Justin and his night with the Neon Nazis - By N.L. Belardes

The Bakersfield music scene has many eyes. Often I go to shows and while I’m taking pictures, so are others. Camera phones are held high and digital cameras flash into the eyes of rock and rollers and fans. I recently came across some interesting photos by Justin Rendon, AKA Morbid Justin. He was hanging out at the Mint and saw Bakersfield hardcore punk band, the Neon Nazis tear into a set. His camera didn’t just catch the band in action, but also freeze-framed a punk fight that rattled the gig… I asked Justin a little about the night. Here’s what he had to say:



It was just another night at the Mint, with the exception that there was a band playing: the Neon Nazis, which I had been wanting to see for a while now. They had Steven from Loser Life and the Pine filling in on drums that night. They started playing and everything was good, everything that is except the PA. We couldn't hear the vocals at all. This was fine because it was a punk show at a dive bar; what do you expect?







A while into it one of Steven’s toms fell off. That was big fun! So back to the vocals: some idiot was making a complete ass of himself and giving the guys a hard time about it. He kept going and going, on and on until somebody got tired of it and we end the show with a just short of spectacular bar fight involving several people.

Oh what a show!


Mr. Communazi and the rest of the Neon Nazis

N.L. joins Rusty Shoop of KBAK 29 in studio to talk about Noveltown "Stories from Dust" - By N.L. Belardes

I got up this morning with my trusty camera in hand, ready to be the Paperback Writer blogger/novelist on the scene with a citizen journalist eye on the media. You know how I love to take photos of the media hard at work: newspaper folks, TV cameramen, reporters, photographers, and soon enough: TV morning anchors on the popular local Channel 29 show, Daybreak.



Oh yes, Rusty Shoop, a true man of mystery even shared some ‘cottonfield murder’ talk that only two sleuth novelists could grapple… thanks Rusty.

Only we talked right before going on-air.


Paperback Writer blogger gets behind the scenes!


Rusty Shoop gets comfortable in a quick chat about Noveltown
And "Stories from Dust"

No, I hadn’t planned on going on live, but strange circumstances had it that while Matt Munoz was trying to batter his way into the studio with his ska elbows swinging, I was already sitting in the hot seat, albeit a comfortable chair in the newsroom, ready to drink coffee with the ever-so polite, Rusty Shoop.

Normally I am a little more behind the scenes of Noveltown, but today I spoke as an artist and as the Noveltown guy with a vision about fusing local art: literature, film, music, theatre, and more. I talked about the fusion of arts happening in Bakersfield and Matt’s very awesome storytelling ability. Oh yes, he's the ska king, the Ricky Ricardo of Bakersfield swooners. Shoop and I shared a laugh about tonight’s surprises at Russo’s Books, and I informed his audience about how Noveltown is going to take audio from tonight’s “Stories from Dust” event to create a great online shared artistic experience (and some good b-roll and interviews for another episode of Zowietown).


In the studio...



There’s a renaissance in Bakersfield art going on right now and it’s not about quality and quantity of art. It’s about art fusion. Tonight, Literature meets music meets storytelling. And just recently, music met literature met film at BIFF.

The arts are growing together… how will you be a part of it?

Attend tonight’s "Stories from Dust" event for a taste of Bakersfield literary and music culture…


KBAK 29 co-hosts, Rusty and Lisa

A review of the Art Czar and 'Bakersfield: Life as it should be'... - By N.L. Belardes

I had a dream the other day:

There stood the Getty Museum with every pretentious ghost of the great dead artists of the world hovering around the museum like dying fireflies. Down below the great hill of the museum, a string of pick-ups peeled off the 405 and into the Getty parking lot.

The fireflies flickered and went out.

Inside each pick-up stood great paintings of Ghengis Khan, towering over each truck like Easter Island heads. Driving the trucks were clones of the Bakersfield Art Czar, all madly laughing, cackling in their joyous glee of invading billboard artistry.

The Getty police came swooping out of the very stone building like golems. They ripped themselves from the architecture, rocky hands with uzis, ready to spray the Ghengis billboards with holes the size of human eyeballs.

The mad cackling continued.

A crowd gathered.

Bullhorns whipped into the air in a call to arms from the grinning cloned Czars of the underground art world. They stood at the Great Wall of the Getty, and in a torrent of words, hailed, “Let us in to the big kahuna cow patty in the sky!”

Oh and don’t think the guns didn’t cock with stony fingers on triggers. Many aimed at the angry paintings while a few targeted the bullhorns, and even one on the leading Art Czar, who didn't yell at all but leaned on a truck without a bullhorn, his jaw tightening while he flipped a cigarette bummed from a fanatical UCLA student from the Midwest; Midwest of Hollywood that is.

And then I woke up.

What could such a dream mean?

I had just been to the best art show the Empty Space had yet seen (check out the media blitz before the show). I had slept a few uneasy chest cold ughh nights contemplating the imperfections of Bakersfield city life. No, this show wasn’t necessarily in the Getty-style artwork of the masters, but it was in the drive and ambition of artists as hungry to storm the walls of art show success. And weren't the many buzzing ghosts of masters once hungry? One has to have the desire even before making such a conquering climb, right?

The flames of artistic passion were at an all-time high in the Bakersfield art scene.

Sure I’ve been to other galleries in town. Money flows through those like the Kern River as of late: bubbling up the banks, California gold flowing through the city center like coins rolling downhill. And so expensive to buy just a trickle. Or is it just in a name?

Let me get back to Bakersfield’s underground art movement. The themed movement that emanates from a collective spirit, the art shows that spring up at a local free theatre like strange Alice in Wonderland plants twisting from an ironic landscape of beckoning themes. And this like no other, because just like the ill tapestries of Wonderland’s maniacal scenery, there came a recent mocking of our own very city that in reality is just as confusing, yet as simple in thought as if unraveling Lewis Carroll’s speech through medicated prose between book covers:

Hear the Duchess? She growls: Be what you would seem to be—or, if you'd like it put more simply—Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.

Oh, you don’t get it?

Neither did Bakersfield’s Chamber of Commerce when they made up “Bakersfield: Life as it should be”.

It’s simple if you can see between the excess verbage to the moral of the Wonderland story.

Our local Art Czar (and other brave souls) showed his mocking understanding through artistic merit in a city which he, like the rest of us love, when he triumphantly skipped around the very crippled movement of the city marketing engine—a thump whump senile footstep no different than an old man with a cane in our own city, hands fumbling for a grip on reality, lost in illusion from fanciful dreams of a perfect youth that just never was.

Ahh, the good old days.

Were they?

The city wants you to think the good old days are now. They’re the old man you know. Do I have to remind you? See the city trip off the curb?

The Art Czar: he rebelled and said, “More cow pies in the sky!” Then hung them.


Lynched!


Notice the proximity between pie in the sky and relief

He exclaimed, “This city is perfect!” Then erected artwork in the form of moths flying to the burning red light district of an illusion-filled Confederate-conservative toolbox city.







Are you drawn to the light, to the light of an elusive gilded truth… oh the gilded age of Bakersfield once again? Kern County once trapped European youth exclaiming, “Rosedale! A Garden of Eden! Tranquil! Noble! Lush!” And those very minstrel youths turned into the first Lords of Bakersfield.

What will the city create now through such illusion and lures?

And the Art Czar said, “I’ll show you roadmaps.” And he hung those too: the illusions of a grand dream that pisses away high crime, valley fever laden, smog-filled reality for a big round sucker licked by those hungry for candy dreams. Do they think they’re in a desert?







This is a golden valley.

Or is it?

When the valley turns gold, it’s fire season.

The water is gold. The oil is gold. The industry is treasure. The people are shit. Unless creamy drippings from the Häagen-Dazs Oaks (one of our ‘life as it should be’ developments for the Bakersield country club rich and famous). Are you?

And so life goes.

I commend the Art Czar and the many of the Damned who braved city storms to stand up in polite mockery of the hellish wheels of the Bakersfield City Marketing engine.

I applaud.

********

More artwork from those artists who are perhaps damned to live life as it should be:


monopoly culture: real life


fighting culture: rough life

|
drug culture: sick life


the damned: our life

Don’t forget to attend “Stories From Dust” at 7PM Wednesday night at Russo’s Books at the Marketplace—for a literary treat. You'll learn about machismo there...

Central Valley Poet T.Z. Hernandez to perform in Noveltown 'Stories From Dust' literary event at Russo's Books - By N.L. Belardes

Matildakay has a new blog she’s writing just for Noveltown. She’s put her narrative chick flick spin on promotional writing, and it’s hilarious. Check out her first issue, titled, “Noveltown partners with BIFF”. She wrote the goods about the June 23-24th Bakersfield independent film event that was just held at the Spotlight Theatre. She’s about to post another on Wednesday’s literary/poetry event, “Stories from Dust” (June 28th) that’s being put on by Noveltown and is supported by Poets & Writers Inc., Bakotopia, MÁS Magazine, Russo's Poets, Russo's Books, and Cerro Coso's Metamorphoses Journal. That’s at Russo’s Books in the Marketplace from 7-9 PM and features T.Z. Hernandez, storytelling, Matt Munoz of Mento Buru with song and storytelling, poets galore, and more.


Heyday Books literary/poets workshop in Merced


T.Z. Hernandez

Although I was sad to miss the recent Chicana Book Club Ana Castillo event, and it was probably pretty cool, T.Z. Hernandez is coming to town. (read Castillo's blog, she writes about Bakersfield)

Tim Z. Hernandez is a performance artist and poet. He grew up at various places in the Central Valley but now resides in Colorado. You can read all about him in this week’s edition of MÁS Magazine where he granted them a cool interview ("Writer to Share Central Valley Experiences Through Poetry")


MÁS Magazine cover mentions Noveltown event




Get to know T.Z.

As for me, I first met T.Z. at the Great Valley Books Writers Conference in Merced, California (Hear about the event on the Buck City Podcast #34. Includes an interview with T.Z.). He was giving a poetry workshop at the Merced Cultural Arts Center. I sat in his workshop and learned about how T.Z. interprets the space around to write what he sometimes calls the non-poem. He had his class do the same… they wandered outside to experiment with their levels of awareness. They thought and reached with their entire bodies into surrounding space to feel and experience what they could put into words. It was a blessing of an experience and I’m sure you will get even more from T.Z while he performs in Bakersfield with a poem or two from his Heyday Books title, Skin Tax.


Reflecting on an anyday poetic experience


Music and poetry and thought

Support the arts and come June 28th, this Wednesday to Russo's at the Marketplace and meet T.Z. Hernandez and other local artists. Copies of the inaugural Metamorphoses will be given away and you can purchase copies of Skin Tax as well as the Russo's Poets book, "On Any Given Wednesday" (poets will be performing from this group!)


What is your poetry and literary awareness?

And you can even get a copy of Lords: Part One. Unless you don't like scary books about Bakersfield...

Another N.L. descent into Jerry’s Pizza, the cavern of Bakersfield rock and roll - By N.L. Belardes

I was on a mission last Thursday to see three Bakersfield area bands: The Dives, Throatshot, and Stereotactic. I showed up too late with Flower in the Dale and her big purple broken arm to see The Dives but was in time to check out one of Throatshot’s last performances for a while and Stereotactic's tour kick-off.

Where was I?

Oh yes I did.

Here’s Jerry’s mug to even prove where I was.


Counting the change...

You can even see the dragon game (*mortal combat), guardian to one of the entrances to the treasured pit beneath the pizza parlor (check out the dude flipping me off! Cool!)


Check out the guy flipping me off... funny...

It was hot, it was humid, and the Pizza-a-go-go was waiting for me to make a descent into its cavernous subterranean bosom.

Now I heard the local cops shut down an art show of some type just down the streets from Jerry’s Pizza. They said it was a fire hazard. Maybe because Jerry’s dim basement has two exits there’s less of a chance to burn into a fiery heap if the building caught fire. I don’t know. Maybe the pizza is just that good and the local cops don’t want to piss off Jerry who might shut down and open a new joint in the Marketplace for all those spoiled rich kids to come and hear music for the first time.

OK I’m joking. Have a sense of humor. Jerry's Pizza isn't going anywhere. I saw the Kerouac of Kmart, said a few polite words to each other. I tried to snap a photo of him but he wasn't interested in his mug shot going on nlbelardes.com. No problem. Now for the show...



Throatshot is an incredible punch to the neck with industrial sounds, vibrant keyboard work from Videodrone’s old guru, Rohan, Darin’s incredible guitar work and Brad’s delightful skip-through-the-briar-patch lyrics that makes you want to put on a bonnet and suck your thumb. Yeah I’m kidding again. You should know any Throatshot concert is like living through horror movie film, and soundtrack, and Brad will scream into your ears like your worst nightmare. And let me tell you, the chicks dig the way he sways, swings from the rafters and jumps around stage, literally sweating on concert-goers. And yet he's so bashful in an interview...







You ever see Rohan flip his hair with those mad eyes staring and that impish grin on his face as he works his keyboard rig and tunes in samples of babies crying and electronic hisses, etc.?





Bakersfield music history is always alive in the cavern of rock and roll, superheated in the dim basement darkness… Look for Throatshot to have a video made by Hectic Films in horror movie fashion. Oh yeah…



I also had a nice sit down talk with Brad for the Buck City Podcast. He told me lots of good news about the band, about his writing, and what can be expected in the months to come.

My other interview of the night was with local band Stereotactic who were kicking off a summer tour to help promote their album, The Dawning. Kyle was quick to let me know that fans could catch them in Fresno on July 9th on the Warped Tour. Sounds like a blast of a time.







I noticed Stereotactic may have a few changes in the band. Missing was the guitarist with the huge fro pompadour. Where’d he go? Not sure. The music was just as satisfying as always. Stereotactic tore it up and even laid two new tracks in the laps of those at the pizza joint. Rocking? Yes. Fast-paced rock that’s as swooshing as a light saber tearing through the basement darkness. And Kyle was all over the stage as usual… with his counterpart, Todd tearing into some of the lyrics too.



Yeah, I even snapped a photo of the audience—several girls in the Jerry’s darkness shot me glances like they were the Harpies of the underground cavern, ready to fly at me and rip my head off…



But they didn’t and tucked in their talons and got back into Stereotactic’s jams as if I’d never been in the crowd, in their cavern, down in the flaming depths of the pizza-a-go-go…

*I don't know what I was thinking. This game I originally called a pinball machine. What the heck? That was no pinball game. Thanks Rob Shock...

Bakersfield Independent Film Festival shines at Spotlight Theatre - By N.L. Belardes

Sometimes our lives our like movies. It doesn’t matter what we do or what we say, it’s almost like we’re having an out-of-body experience watching ourselves make strings of bad B-movie lines as we stumble our way through each day.

Or am I the only one who gets caught in daily episodes that play out like movie scenes?

It can’t just be me. I used to date a girl who said life was her movie, that she was the star, and the rest of us were just second-rate actors. Yeah, that one didn’t work out.

When you’re not feeling well, sometimes the world just naturally seems distant, movie-ish, a film shown on a distant fog. Life doesn’t happen where you are but twenty-five feet away on the big screen that consists of the world around you. That’s my summer chest cold in action. And I brought it to BIFF. Cough!

Believe it or not, I felt better watching the works of Bakersfield filmmakers. I sat in the quaint Spotlight Theatre while Roger Mathey of Seat of Your Pants Productions hosted the show and introduced each piece.


Zowietown editor gets interviewed at BIFF
by Mel Wells II of TV 17...


Some of the fans of BIFF enjoy the Spotlight Cafe...


Film fans wait for the action...

Opening Night with Zowietown and Cinema of the Lords Contest:

BIFF kicked off with a little Noveltown speech by me about a short film contest called “Cinema of the Lords”. Check out the details:

Noveltown has a short film contest for any interested filmmaker from Bakersfield and beyond: ‘Cinema of the Lords’ short film contest. Grand prize? $500.00! All you have to do is beg, borrow or steal a copy of Lords: Part One as all entries have to be based on a scene from the dark N.L. Belardes novel on creepy happenings in Bakersfield, circa 1977.

Short films can be drama, horror, documentary, comedy, mockumentary, claymation, or animation.

You can purchase a copy of Lords: Part One from noveltown.net, or amazon.com.

Entry fee is $15 per entry. You can enter as many times as you like.

Entries must be submitted on DVD and be at least 3-10 minutes in length.

All entries will be posted on Noveltown.net and possibly shown at an upcoming BIFF.

Entries and entry fees are due by October 1st with winners announced on Halloween, 2006. Contact noveltown.net with any more questions on this very creepy short film contest.

BIFF then showed Episode Two of Zowietown, “What is BIFF?” a hilarious interview with the frisky hip director/producer himself, Roger Mathey (Watch him play with toys).
(You can also add noveltown on myspace: myspace.com/noveltown)







Meatydish Production folks skip film festival

BIFF’s short entries included a barrage of film shorts that included Meatydish Productions music videos and hilarious episodes from their Brighthouse Network show, Damaged TV. Although there was a nice crowd in attendance, no one from Meatydish or any of the promoted bands or radio showed up to the event other than The Filthies on Saturday to help promote their “Embalm You” video. Especially disturbing was the Krotch video. The audience wasn’t sure whether to clap or not until one lone audience member from the video stood and clapped. I thought the director’s non-attendance was embarrassing, since the films and videos promoted local music, radio and TV personalities. Was it egos or did they just not know about BIFF? Strange.


Meathead and Desi of Damaged TV

Hectic Films premieres

Premiering for the first time at BIFF were many entries from Hectic Films, including the short film, “Medicated” on opening night (Stars Amanda Klawitter and Jason Sanders). Rickey Bird is an interesting young filmmaker and is just one of many people in the Hectic Films circle of up-and-coming moviemakers who all collaborate to make some really cool works of art. I met Rickey on day two of the Festival for an interview that will be on episode 36 of the Buck City Podcast. We talked about where Hectic Films is headed and about some of their production techniques.


Scene from "Medicated"

The guys from Hectic Films make dark dramas, some tongue-and-cheek, with most productions including messages revolving around the corrupt and often psychosomatic American culture of drugs, murder, insanity and cops. "Medicated" is a short film that builds on the idea of mankind dependent on medication. Without medication, man’s views of the world are an illusory path of darkness and fear. We see this theme through the eyes of a character who wonders if he took his meds. Other Hectic Films entries included: "Karma Police", "Badge Part One", "Fly on the Wall: Episode 1", and a trailer for their feature film, "Daft".

I really dig “Fly on the Wall”, a piece you can watch on the Hectic Films website along with all the other episodes I mentioned. Fly is about someone who may have committed murder in his own home. Did he? Watch the video and come to your own conclusions.

Another viewing of Fresh Fish

There were only two stop motion short films in the film festival. One was by a six-year-old artist (with help from parents), and the other was the short film, "Fresh Fish", which entertained its second BIFF viewing on Saturday. Rod Lester will be featured on Zowietown episode three, where he talks about some of his stop motion techniques with decoy duck props. If you haven’t seen his short film about fishing equipment without ‘people’ catching fish, it’s going to be on youtube.com soon and I’ll feature it on my music and podcast page. You’ll love it.





Matt Kieley Films prides on the art of low budget moviemaking

I met Matt Kieley and some of his actors on Friday night after viewing “Lament of the Machines” and “Cam Cam Dies”. We stood outside of the Spotlight and talked a little about film and his techniques. I asked if he was a student. “Just at Bakersfield College. I take some theatre and other classes here and there,” he said. Saturday’s festival showings included Kieley’s, “The Loneliest Man in the World”, “One Thousand Roses” and “Life as a Zombie”. Matt’s improvisational style is inspired by Robert Rodriquez and the idea that you can make a movie with almost no money at all.


From "Lament of the Machines"

Sure, you can tell his films are made with little more than a camera, some lights here and there, not much of a script and lots of quick editing (most of his movies are films in the Ming and Real Road area at or near Curran Junior High); but that didn’t keep the audience from laughing and being entertained by the goofy robotic antics in “Lament of the Machines” or feel disturbed by the prowling narrator in an apocalyptic cityscape in “The Loneliest Man in the World.”



Where is Richard Van Horne? Is he an egg??

I kept seeing this Richard Van Horne kid in films throughout the film festival: “The Fabulous Felix McCabe” (Big MTV Film Director winner, Landon Zakheim directed) “Richard” (He’s a murdering boy with a nasty chainsaw), and “Stoopid Heroes” (Kid heroes and the chicks who pretend to not like them). I didn’t see Richard Van Horne at the festival. Maybe he was in an appearance with Meathead and KRAB radio, who were all hiding under rocks. His movies are quality productions with budgets… at least comparatively to most films shown at BIFF. And his acting isn’t too shabby. Look for him to continue to appear at BIFF.

I’m surprised he didn’t have a cameo as one of the eggs in Gagfilms pan splattering short film, “EGGS” by Dane Boedigheimer that also shown at the festival. View this hilarious short film here…



Being disturbed by Naked Twister on opening night

“I made the film on a dare,” said Roger Mathey. “That’s how I end up making most of my films. And then I get accused of making films about ex-girlfriends…” Can he help that some of his ex-chickadees were both on the psycho loony side and inspiring in the art of filmmaking? Sure, "Naked Twister" was disturbing as hell. I don’t normally need to see any full frontal nudity unless it’s a hot babe dancing the rock-a-hula, and even she can be wearing coconuts. But theatre people really don’t care if people see their hot salty nuts, their bajongas, or their gonadopolis kingdoms on stage or the big screen…





Revealing, yes, Roger’s movie is well done. The lack of close-ups disturbs Roger but really puts the film in its proper disturbing naked perspective. Close-ups would have hid the spaciousness of the living room setting of the film. The audience would have likely felt more secure with close-ups. But that wasn’t the intention of Naked Twister, a film about relationships hidden behind social gatherings and board games, and suddenly coming to light through the freedom of nudity and discussion. Such freedom bubbles dark tidings to the sleek-skinned surface of the film as well, leading to the naked twisting truth of the characters: that some secrets should just be left covered, separated and lifted with a nice colorful Wonderbra. A fun twist and plot on a disturbing film. I hadn’t been slapped as hard or kicked between the legs in socio-revealing filmmaking since Brokeback Mountain’s make-out scenes… I just want to know what the next big project of Roger's is going to be...

TV Party Tonight’s editor/creator almost runs from Spotlight Theatre

I’m not kidding. Scott Chesire is a hilarious filmmaker, editor with a dark sense of humor perfect for such a film festival. “I wasn’t sure how the crowd would react. So I sat in the back of the theatre in case I needed to make a quick getaway.” I’m telling you, he was ready to run! His film, “TV Party Tonight” was originally meant to be a dark Christmas card to friends. In reality his work is an incredible piece of film/video art that depicts the strange nature between humor, horror and prophecy. Mix that up with archaic TV and clips from the film archives of our strange pop culture of television commercials, TV shows and bad films and you have a strangely flowing film that grabs, pokes fun, and philosophizes all at once.

A section of his movie recently spread onto thousands of websites (over 7,200 views just on youtube.com alone!), far beyond youtube.com as a means to show how bands should take fan pieces as ways of advertising their own works. Once scene is a music video: archive clips put to an Alice Cooper song and is literally an editing masterpiece.

“I also have a strange fear of clowns. All of the clown footage is exclusive,” Scott said.

Ah, so not all of TV Party Tonight is from our seedy pop culture past?

In fact, it was an anti-smoking budget that took a friend of Scott’s to board a plane and have to film the clown scenes. He was traumatized while filming the abrasive evil smoking clown and so the audience got to see some of that very surreal exclusive footage in "TV Party Tonight".

Youthanasia highlights Bakersfield Independent Film Festival with gusty performance

I’m glad I found a film I liked better than “Disposable”. I look beyond rookie filmmaking and into the stories and some of the artistry and had liked “Disposable”. I was never expecting Spielberg. But I felt awkward since I was laughed at by some of its actors for liking the film. I mean, hey, I liked it, big deal. And if you acted in it... well... why did you act in something you're not proud of? So much for “Disposable” and its actors who seemed to have cast it aside like the cheap camera in the film…

Then I saw “Youthanasia”. Clearly the headliner of the Bakersfield Independent Film Festival, I honestly wasn’t expecting much of a film. I already knew Justin Zachary II was the big actor from Bakersfield who appeared in the play rendition of “Trainspotting”, who had moved to LA to make it big along with one of his sweethearts, a local actress in love with both he and the big screen. Hoopla, hoopla, hoopla... The title didn’t even grab me… I really was ready to just take myself and my chest cold either back home or to a nearby bar for one ice cold pear cider.

I tried to leave the theatre during the opening credits.

But there was this hardcore punk song and speeding camera work that introduced the credits. OK, I will stay to watch the opening credits...

And then a sappy romantic opening… I was on the edge of my seat getting ready to leave, thinking, Oh this is a typical LA film with a walk on the beach… I’m getting out of dodge.

And then I was sucked in.

Dammit.

The characters were in a brotherhood of friendship about to be torn apart because of the sexual appetite of youth and young love. Sounds simple, but "Youthanasia" is the killing of youth, put to rest and executed because youth simply wants to be left alone by parents, ex’s, and even friends so that the exhilarating passion of a relationship can be left to itself.

And woven very well by the Runnels brothers...

Youthanasia is a movie that takes such a world of tragic youth and spins it into a dismal end as if watching loved ones in a spiral that can only have one outcome: a rebirth through a tragic end.

Justin Zachary’s acting is engaging and believable, and the film does a good job of making him appear both youthful and appropriately dismal in scenes that are woven between innocence and lost innocence.

It was really a great coming of age film and a perfect way to end the Bakersfield Independent Film Festival…

New Zowietown Episode: What is BIFF? - By N.L. Belardes

There's a new hilarious Zowietown episode, starring a frisky hip producer/director/promoter of BIFF Version 1.5.



Go check it out and have a laugh.

Then go to tonight's BIFF premiere from 8-11pm at the Spotlight Theatre.

Take a look at the new Noveltown



Support local art!

Vacation photo essay: novelist family on the loose - By N.L. Belardes

I hadn’t taken a week off in I don’t know how long. It had been a few years. So we took off from the heat of Buck City to venture toward the more comfortable climate of the Central and Northern California Coast.

I took The Devil Wears Prada with me and some ideas for novels that I wanted to toss around while hiking, searching for waterfalls and animal life. As usual I had my camera ready—though not nearly enough. I didn’t have the camera when there was a chemical spill near downtown Monterey...

And we were gone only a short time. Long enough it seems for a rupturing of local punk band, Box Jumper.

BIFF is just days away...

And Matildakay is seeing freaky chick flicks about letters.

Here’s a photo essay of some of our journey:


zowietown editor at our mysterious woodland campsite...


He's also known as Dirty Spanglish


Get fresh.


Looking for Loch Ness in Monterey, California...


Somewhere in this photo is a dead jellyfish,
one of our first nature sightings!


Touch my monkey for .25 cents


Seal with a slice out of its back...


Ahh, the campsite playground. Here, Dirty Spanglish
made friends with campsite punks who wouldn't throw
away their soda cans. Later I heard from one of the
alleged hooligans on myspace.com...

Nuthin' but trouble...

We later sabotoged some of the playground toys with
Vasoline and bacon grease. One unlucky kid sat in
some, tasted it and shared with his friend saying,
"This tastes like chocolate!"


Part Irish, for DS, it's all about the clover.


Walkin' the log


More log walkin' from the brother of DS


Mouse? Squirrel? Skunk? Who knows?


Discovering a waterfall and doing some head dunking,
a family tradition.


We took the plunge...


DS brother precariously balanced.


Headed down the 101 toward Bakersfield we found
this little dive that was part grocery store,
part bar. We just wanted to use the bathroom.
We had to drive all over town just to find this
scary joint with bimbos, beer and oil in the window.


Fire in the mountains near Cuyama!


I should have stopped for the big story...

next time...

Bakersfield Independent Film Festival Version 1.5 line-up - By N.L. Belardes

The Bakersfield Independent Film Festival is just days away...

BIFF v1.5 Line Up


Here is the tentative line up for the Bakersfield Independent Film Festival v 1.5
(schedule subject to change as more submissions are approved)

Friday night:

8:00pm:
Short film: "Richard" dir by Tyler Spiers :10
Starring young Bakersfield actor Richard Van Horne as that creepy kid next door...
www.blueribbonpanel.org

Music Video: "Nailed Again" dir by Jarad "Meathead" Mann :05
Starring local DJ Rocky Nash

Short film: "Medicated" dir Jason Sanders :04
Starring Amanda Klawitter and Jason Sanders
www.hecticfilms.com

Music Video: "Tonight" dir by Jarad "Meathead" Mann :05
Starring local band Midnight Panic

Television show: "Damaged TV" episode "The Bit Show" :30
From Meatydish Produktions and starring Desi and Meathead

Music Video: "Babes" dir by Jarad "Meathead" Mann :05
Starring local band Krotch

Short Film: "Naked Twister" dir Roger Mathey :40
From seat of your pants Productions and starring local actors Justin Zachary, Libby Letlow, and Andrew McCarty

Saturday:

11:00a:
Animated Short: "Fresh Fish" dir Rod Lester :05
Short stop motion film about the great sport of catching a fish...
contact stepintime@juno.com

Short film: "Stupid Heroes" :11
Starring local actor Richard Van Horne as one of a trio of young super heroes having to deal with their worst enemy: girls.

Short film: "Hide and Seek" dir Rusty Rhodes :10
From local production company Tell the Story Productions comes a tale about a boy who learns the importance of seeking God.

Short film: "Day In the Life" dire Michael Prince and Bob Cloud :20
From the Kern Child Abuse & Prevention Council with Rare Wisdom Productions comes this short about the life of a young boy having to take care of his family as his single mother works to support them.

Feature Film: "Bubba & Sissy Git Hitched?" dir Mark J Wilson 1:43
from Actis Productions and Cindehunden Productions comes a film about gettin' hitched in Bakersfield.

3:00p
Short film: "Karma Police" dir Rickey Bird Jr and Amanda Klawitter :04
From Hectic Films comes this tale of how things can come back to bite you in the behind.

Music Video: "Embalm You" dir by Jarad "Meathead" Mann :05
Starring local band The Filthies

Short film: "The Drive Home" dir Kyle Watson :17
Two brothers deal differently over their father's death on the way home from the funeral.

Short film: "Disposable" dir Mark J Wilson :22
Ever find one of those disposable cameras and it still has some pictures on it... wait til you find out what it was taking pictures of!

Documentary: "The Last Days of BLaM" dir Bill Ohanesian :25
This documentary about the 70's band BLaM features local musician David Nigel Lloyd

Feature Film: "TV Party Tonight" dir Scott Cheshire 1:10
This interesting feature is a compilation of tv images throughout television history

7:00pm
Music Video: "Better Off" dir by Jarad "Meathead" Mann :05
Starring local band Presence

Short Film: "The Badge: Episode 1" dir Jason Sanders :10
from Hectic Films comes this story of detectives in Bakersfield

Music Video: "Soul Damage" dir by Jarad "Meathead" Mann :05
Staring loca band Soul Damage

Trailer: "Daft" from Hectic Films

Trailer: "At 11:00" from Lennon Film Productions

Feature Film: "Youthanasia" dir Mark and Greg Runnels 1:11
Featuring local actor Justin Zachary this tale of disturbed youth also features The OC's Shannon Lucio

Bakersfield, an incestuous land of dying theatre, too much theatre, or…? - By N.L. Belardes

Aaron Mauldin of Theatreaddict.com is trying like crazy to take a Bakersfield theatre scene and get his arms around it, digest it, and spin its balkanized incestuous soul into something digestible, easy to navigate, and worthy of perusal with real honest-to-goodness bodies in the seats.


A scene from Amadeus at the Spotlight theatre.
Just who is kissing who behind the scenes?

But are bodies going to local theatres? Are people even viewing his addiction website by the bushel loads?

Maybe. Maybe not.

I doubt if local thespian and high school theatre instructor Rob Long. A.K.A The Logic Bomb agrees, even though the not-so-controversial Mauldin posted Long’s myspace blog article, "Performer-Audience Rapport" that declares all forms of theatre are dying. The peaceful and fence-strattling Aaron could have put his own dastardly comment there that agreed or disagreed with Long. I wouldn’t have minded.

The theatre scene is already split apart like Baskin Robbins flavors, why not speak your mind?

Long’s article is a frustrated bit of prose from a passionate theatre enthusiast. I don’t agree with everything Long has to say, but I do agree on some points. Long writes:

Live theatre is dying. Entertainment is ubiquitous, and with technology advancing, there is less and less reason to leave the environs of our own homes. When we can make our home into a theatre quality experience, without the distractions of annoying audience members, poorly focused projectors, bad sound systems and whichever chair we choose to sit in, what is the point in going to even a movie theatre, much less a live theatre performance?

First off, I doubt if the film industry is dying. Sure, fewer people are going to the movies, but that doesn’t mean movie theatres are fading.

Sure, more people want their movie experience for free. So they get pirated copies, or buy DVDs. But people will never stop going to the movies. I have gone to two sold out movie theatre experiences in Bakersfield in the past two months. The film industry is kicking. Actors are still getting paid in millions, and rich Hollywood lifestyles are still as fat as ever. How would we even fare one day in the shoes of the rich and famous? Would we even fathom what they often spend in hour’s time? Their couches are worth more than most American’s yearly salaries.

I bet you they even have DVDs and a few of them pirated. It’s a changed culture, even for the wealthy. Their industry provided their movies in such a medium. Blame them for lower audience figures. Blame them for being greedy and putting movies into a medium rampant with piracy. And blame them too for the high cost of movies and popcorn (read some of the funny comments from film theatre-goers here)

The film industry will simply change their marketing tactics to regain the 8-10% theatre losses. They will spend on campaigns to target different groups like women and high school kids. And are you aware of how much the movie industry gets from DVD sales? Outrageous!

Long writes, “Television and movies don't respond to the rhythms of the audience.” To say there is no audience participation in television and film? Believe me, there is plenty of participation transformed to fit the medium of today’s segment who stick to their couches, unable to pull away from Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, and Survivor. Call in, make your choice, or interact online in message boards. Today’s shows are increasingly interactive. And film is interactive too. I heard people laughing at Cars, crying at United 93, and I threw popcorn at the screen just last week.

Don’t forget sports on television. Watch some 49er football with chingpea (she's the host of Zowietown) and you’ll even see a shoe fly across the room. That’s interaction. When was the last time you were allowed to throw a shoe at a local Bakersfield theatre performance?

The reality is I don’t think you can even compare the film industry to local Bakersfield theatre. So why are we talking about films when the real issue is theatre people being upset that not enough bodies attend shows?

Yes, get more people in the seats! Not enough controversy, I say. There’s all this great local theatre drama about who is sleeping with who that I bet might get a few people to attend if they’re reading about all the drama online (read the infamous line regarding local theatre, “We have young, single people all sleeping with each other". Taken out of context? Only a little or else why would the statement have been made?)

OK, I’m somewhat kidding. We don’t have to talk about the risqué theatre antics even though those go back to the early 1900s. Bakersfield College theatre was at Bakersfield High, the hub of Kern County culture… films were coming to Bakersfield even then to be made.

Don’t tell me there weren’t some extravagant relationships then, or even later when Bakersfield College was kicking in the 1940s-1960s. I have heard a few whopping sexual deviant stories about the college heyday that includes the antics of thespians.


Oo la! What's the drama? (Scene from Amadeus)

Anyway, the most important point regards audience development, that Long and others discuss. My opinion? You have to market to people outside of theatre circles.

Local theatre has the same problem as the local music scene: there is an overabundance of music venues and bands, which causes audiences to be split into crisscrossed loyalties, with marketing to audiences done mostly on myspace, and less in the real world (I'm guilty too). The bands perform an overabundance of shows, and the supporting marketing is just not there. I'm guessing theatre is similar.

Believe me, the kids all out racing cars, hanging out at the marketplace, and at every Starbucks in town would go to theatre or hear local music if they: 1) knew about it. 2) thought a show or music was too cool to miss.

How do you reach people is the big question? Noveltown is just beginning to experiment with that by forming partnerships with companies and media that can attract targeted audience people (see Tim Z. Hernandez "Stories from Dust" literary - music event).

How could theatre attract people?

By thinking outside of the box. That isn’t to say theatre people aren’t creative. They're super creative! (Probably even in their incestuous sleeping around behavior! C'mon, spill the dirt!) Sites like theatreaddict.com and nlbelardes.com are creative, speak to people, and are informative, but they are not forces to be reckoned with that have huge fan bases where people who love us attend every event we attend.

If I believed that I would plug more events ahead of time and yell, “Woo hoo, I’m going over here!”

I believe outside-of-the-box thinking involves business and media partnerships and occasionally putting on shows that will specifically generate income in a way that attracts a targeted audience.

For instance, if I put on a play that had construction workers in it, a partnership could be built with construction and builder companies. The people they build houses for might not come to a show, but I bet their workers would, especially the builders and administrators who have cash in pocket.

Or what if there was a show about a wealthy doctor in a relationship with a naughty nurse during World War Two? Doctors and hospitals could be targeted, given lots of buy one get one free tickets, and a hospital or doctor’s office could be targeted. Why not? Doctors have money and if they show up, before the play you give them your Theatre is dying speech: "This is the greatest night of my life to see so many of you here (boohoo),” then pass the money bucket.

Theatres could even include one of the local niche market newspapers, or have theatre people write for free, to have reviews and build credibility… there are so many ways.

The theatres who ever truly build such programs will be the local theatres with money to put on more extravagant shows, who will build even more relationships and partnerships and eventually, hopefully invade the mainstream consciousness to attract even more bodies.

The current Bakersfield theatre set-up is skewed towards packed houses for shows like West Side Story that help theatres with big budgets to break even and continue the same process. Is that the Haagen Oaks market? How could smaller theatres tap in to such attendance?

Creative marketing.

Long states that people "just over 50 going" make up the live theatre attendees going to shows? Blame that on theatres for not marketing to younger audiences.

Why not once a year have a big children’s production, something really wacky with songs and very Wiggles-ish… something local and original. Something that would at least teach kids that local theatres exist, are OK… something to help the community grow, to make theatre part of their mindset. Teach them young, right? Use the TV age to theatre’s advantage… grab the kids and their parents attention. Utilize the popularity of what's on TV for youth. Mimic it in a theatre setting just to help build numbers and name recognition.

One or two local theatres could really stand out in an area where local theatre isn’t dying, but flourishing (flourishing because theatre is more visible through online media when marketed correctly in the recent year or so). At least now, if theatre people really wanted to, they could flood the local online and print with self-written articles building up their credibility within targeted communities by utilizing the Northwest Voice, Southwest Voice, Bakotopia, theatreaddict.com, Paperback Writer blog, etc…

Or pool money together, hire PR writers to do that… work together. Or is local Bakersfield too balkanized, too selfish of an incestuous beast to do that?

I'm telling you, write more about sex and drama and then have all those actors and actresses in starring roles in one production. Film behind the scenes and post on youtube.com and market the hell out of it before the show...

Potential audiences will see the real drama and want to come to the show...

People like soap operas!

For more steamy theatre drama, read Roger Mathey's Back Pocket.

Zowietown is here to promote Bakersfield and Central Valley arts. Check out episode one: Life as it should be? - By N.L. Belardes

Life as it should be?

Go see the video for episode one.

Support local art.

Support Noveltown.

Be the media...

Local artists believe Bakersfield 'Life as it should be' slogan needs cleaning up - By N.L. Belardes

When I arrived across the street from Bakersfield Superior Court at 5pm, the downtown area was bustling with traffic and only a few pedestrians. The big downtown bell tower square itself was empty.


All quiet on the Western front

Empty that is until a lone cowboy was spotted with signs, toting a dusty vacuum cleaner, and making his way up Truxton Avenue. He was about to clean up the town.



Sure, a TV news vehicle had parked. It had been a lonely tumbleweed afternoon even with the lone cowboy hitching to the bell tower structure and laying out his signs like coyote skins from a morning of hunting good doggish slogans.

Can you hear the theme song from the good, bad and the ugly?

“Bakersfield: Life as it should be,” was to be mocked.


Waitin' for the round-up to begin...




The doggish slogans...


No posse required.

The cowboy in question was none other than the local self-proclaimed Art Czar, A.S. Ashley, son of an alleged Mafioso in Pasadena, and Bakersfield citizen for 15 years. Ashley grew up in Pasadena where he took to art and started drawing at age seven. “I would go to the library and get stacks and stacks of books on Renaissance artists and would draw like a fiend. I sold pencil portraits when I was ten.”


A.S. Ashley, A.K.A, The Art Czar

Know by local artists as the Art Czar, he was dubbed that title at the Laguna Beach Festival of Arts in 1978. “I organized rallies and art performances and helped changed the bylaws regarding the festival,” he said as he whipped around a mop like sheep, directing it to the local gum-stained courthouse walkway as if to eat the grass of unrighteousness. Was that too wordy? So sorry...


A.S. interviewed by chingpea of Noveltown's Zowietown (ZOW-Wee-town)

Locally, Ashley starting helping Julia Heatherwick curate shows at the Empty Space Theatre. He took that over, helping curate the gallery and has taken a liking to helping some of the younger art wranglers in Bakersfield. A few of them even showed up to protest.

Most hid like typical townsfolk who scatter at High Noon. You know the type. There’s a shooting going down at the local corral and they say they’re on the side of the righteous, but won’t pick up arms…

It’s times like those the real heroes cast shadows. The rest roll into ditches like tumbleweed. Makes you wonder whether such normally loud behind the scenes barkers are actually afraid of standing in the media crossfire. Were local artists afraid they were going to get exposed for... liking art?

Maybe that’s just crazy talk from me.




A protestor from the East Side...



Eventually a few more protestors arrived. There was the school girl cowgirl, and the sexy “spray on the chemicals but quickly wipe them off with a kiss” girl, and several East Side Bakersfield folks who just plain felt that voices in East Bakersfield are typically stereotyped, shunned as lawless by the big Bakersfield lawmakers of what they indicated as: a wealthier media-controlling West Side.


My personal favorite cowgirl of the day

Not sure I agreed with such statements, but what the heck, this was a tongue-and-cheek protest, right?

Well sort of.

There is a rampant gang problem in Bakersfield that is corralled rather than stopped. OK, not life as it should be.

There are toxic wastes from factories and pesticides dumped on farmland that causes cancer clusters, wipes out bird habitats, and helped spawn a new era in organic farming. Those toxins, including oil company waste, gets into ground water and, along with wastewater, are often allowed into city canals.

That's not life as I want it to be.

Stay out stay alive from the local canals? Because of the dangers of drowning, or because of the dangers of the toxic waters themselves flowing through your city that might make your kids glow in the dark?

Don’t believe me?

Look at what was going on with the Beardsley Canal, and that water was used for irrigation and filtrated to what, drinking water? Oildale Energy? Ouch. How many toxins in the local water are swept under the local bureaucratic piles of paperwork as big business money changes hands with city leaders?

No, not life as it should be at all.

Information is easy to find in online documents. With creative searching you can find such in a few moments time.

Big business eradicates the small business of the local folks trying to make a living. Think citizens don’t get mad, or that big business doesn’t also hurt your environment? Read this tract from 2004. That’s right, don’t think local citizens haven’t fought back. There’s more. Read what folks are being taught about Wal-Marts in areas like Bakersfield.

I had a nice conversation with local Californian staff writer, Steven Mayer. I knew he thought I was part of the event. He took some quotes. But then I told him, “I’m just here to cover to event.”

He knew I was part of the local art community and knew me by first name.

I’d never met him before.


Steven Mayer does some multi-media...


The media sizing up the protest.

You see, artists are paid attention to by the media. As a community, they’re not always communicated with, but folks like Steven Mayer know the art community exists and that certain folks like myself speak out for art (read Mayer’s article, “Artists Decry ‘Life as it should be’ slogan”)

But I don’t want to be pegged as just an artist when I’m out covering a house fire. And Mayer pointed out kindly, “You’re so many things, including a journalist.”


Gathering quotes and ideas for a light-hearted yet serious story


Art meets journalism in a co-habitable atmosphere...
Why were other artists afraid to show?

I may do a little muckraking now and then, so Mayer might see me as sort of yellow after this piece. In the end, I appreciate being recognized. And artists like Ashley do too. He knows a lot of artists missed out on a fun chance to be heard.


Not quite the streets of Baghdad, but still a worthy beat.

Although the protest was meant to be eye-catching and wacky, Ashley said about the city slogan and the people who create such, “There are aspects about our community that we are worried about. We’re not idiots. A Pollyanna view of our town is insulting. We know we have a large dropout rate, rampant inflation, crime, and so forth. Who are these people talking to? If they’re selling me a used car I’m going to be pissed.”

A new Bakersfield slogan? Bakersfield isn't a town that's like collected debris at the end of a gutter. But it's no land of rose petals either. Maybe a slogan should just be a little more self-serving to the great and diverse individuals who make this community liveable. Bakersfield: A place to be yourself.

You can see mocking art in relation to this article this weekend at the Empty Space Art Gallery:

All quiet on the Western Front - By N.L. Belardes

Downtown is eerily silent. I'm awaiting the 5:30 sirens in downtown Bakersfield. Something is amiss and I hear it entails an artistic sarcastic vision of cleaning up Bakersfield from its current dirty swooshing slogan.

By the way, the Bakersfield sign outside of town looks like the remains of a German pillbox with Charlie Brown's grafitti on it. Am I alone here? It's an ugly cement monolith. Even the druids of Stonehenge wouldn't allow it to be one of their mysterious pillars.


Hi. I am a sign with no pizzazz.

Korn cancels European Tour: Davis with blood ailment - By N.L. Belardes

What's this late-breaking news? Jonathan Davis falls ill in London?

A story on Net Music Countdown indicates Davis is "set to return to the US to continue treatment for what British doctors diagnosed as immune thrombocytopenic purpura, an autoimmune disorder where a low blood-platelet count prevents the blood from clotting."

An allergic reaction to meds has thinned Jonathan Davis' blood? He was admitted to a UK hospital and released...

After such a killer Korn Row kick-off, the Euro Tour cancelled.

Author Greg Goodsell and Tiny the Dog bring you a Chuck Norris preview of Noveltown's upcoming e-book - By N.L. Belardes

I first met Greg Goodsell in an interview at Bakersfield's Empty Space Theatre during a 'Day of the Dead' art show. He had a microphone and he put me on the spot. Darn him. Nice interview though. We talked about Bakersfield's creepy urban myths.

Goodsell is a Kern 1410 AM reporter, a guard, a secret Amazon.com reviewer, a poet and storyteller.

Since then I have come to be a fan of Goodsell's sarcastic writing in short stories with his peculiar moral twists. Goodsell takes ordinary ideas and people and paints extraordinary circumstances with what is normally simplistic day-to-day thoughts.

He's coming out with a Noveltown e-book titled, "You know Who You Are" that's sure to tell some interesting tales about the great unknowns of humankind.


1410 AM reporter/writer Greg Goodsell


The sarcastic growl of Greg Goodsell

Enjoy this funny Chuck Norris piece that is sure to make you wonder whether old Eunice should have been a true fan of "Walker, Texas Ranger" instead of someone who took the show for granted...


This dog is going to be a star

*note: The photo shoot included his next door neighbor's dog, Tiny.


Best Wishes, Chuck Norris

By Greg Goodsell


On the lookout for Art Deco items on the cheap and pop cultural artifacts to pawn off for top dollar on eBay, Eunice had stumbled upon this ... this ... epiphany of kitsch. Sandwiched in between mounted baseball cards and vintage playbills was an autographed photo of Chuck Norris encased in shrink-wrap. The 5 x 7 black-and-white photograph showed the aging beefcake star in his role of "Walker, Texas Ranger.” The bearded sort-of actor looked out from the photo with a guarded stare from underneath his black cowboy hat, holding a rifle. Underneath his face to the left was his signature reading, "Best Wishes, Chuck Norris.” Eunice suppressed a convulsion of derisive laughter.

Only yesterday, Chuck Norris had been the topic of discussion between her and her friend Krit, an Iranian immigrant who had surpassed even her finely tuned sense of irony. They talked about how the man was a hopeless actor, and how in his first few films he had behaved as if the movie camera was intent on jumping out and devouring him. His films, they deduced, were intended for audiences at the dirty end of the Caucasian scale. "I'm gon' stick ya! I'm gon' stick ya!" muttered by a hillbilly antagonist with a pitchfork in BREAKER! BREAKER! (1977) was an all-around ice-breaker during their lulls in conversation.

Eunice chortled to herself when the proverbial light bulb went on over her head. This would make an excellent gift at Krit's birthday dinner! Amid all the chi-chi glassware Krit was sure to receive at the upcoming soiree, this little gift would be sure to provide the laughs and irreverence needed for the event. What the hell? She had the $6.50.

Walking up to the register, Eunice presented the photo to the cashier flashing a can-you-believe this? smile.

The cashier, an older gentleman, asked her, “So... are you a Chuck Norris fan?"

Eunice decided to play her part to the hilt. "Why, yes! I've seen all of his films!"

"I got to meet Chuck Norris when I was vacationing in Maui,” the cashier said. "One helluva nice guy. None of this movie star attitude. We kicked back, had a couple Mai Tais... had a real nice time!"

A woman who Eunice assumed was the cashier's wife came forward. "Chuck Norris! What a handsome man! The movies don't do him justice! A real nice guy, too!"

Eunice grew impatient. The joke was growing old. She paid for the item and left.

The photo needed a frame... and the frame would have to complement the picture. Pulling up to the 98-cent store near her fashionable townhouse, Eunice parked her restored '69 VW bug and went inside. The brightly lit aisles were packed with bored housewives who saw spending their expendable income on cheap, plastic junk as therapy. Eunice imagined she was the only person there not swathed in Dacron polyester.


Greg and Tiny: together as artists under the eye of N.L.

Settling on the picture frame aisle, she saw some rather horrific markdowns. Frames decorated with hand-painted teddy bears slapped together by some overworked native in a Third World sweatshop. There were frames that read “You’re My Favorite" and “World’s Greatest Mom!" These would simply not do.

Finally, Eunice's eyes fell upon an especially hideous frame. Spattered with pink and aqua dabs of paint, the frame was clearly the product of the dark days of the Reagan administration. Perfect! Grabbing the item, she checked the size against the Norris photo. It was a perfect fit.

She took the frame up to the cashier, a woman with missing teeth who exclaimed, "Chuck Norris! My hero! Did you get him to autograph that picture for you in person?"

"Uh... no, " Eunice stammered.

"Chuck Norris is mah all-time favorite actor,” the cashier drawled. "Back when Channel 26 was showing 'Walker, Texas Ranger' three times a day, I watched every show. "

"Oh...” Eunice said. The woman was obviously one of those.

Photo and frame in hand, Eunice began to prepare for Krit's birthday dinner. Bathing and tweaking her eyebrows to perfection, she decided on a pink 1960's ball gown. The dress was from a drag queen friend of hers that had retired the item from his repertoire after he began to put on weight. Donning long drop earrings, full-length gloves and bright, obvious makeup, Eunice called to mind Sandra Dee gone punk.

Packing Krit's present into her bag, she sped to Arnold's Steakhouse, a hit with Eunice and her crowd. Arnold's Steakhouse was all used brick and wood paneling. The waitresses still dressed up like backup singers in a 1980's music video. Arnold's Steakhouse had never heard of the term, ‘vegetarian options’. The health-conscious checked their reserve, along with their coats at the door.

The party was at a long table, seating some twenty-plus people, all representing the worlds of art, fashion, media and high finance. Everyone was drunk and having the time of their lives.

One surprise guest at the party was Krit's mother. A regal, tragic figure, her fashionable clothes and makeup failed to coat her years of hardship. Eunice thought she looked very much like an East Indian woman who had suffered starvation and loss, and yet never lost her steel-clad sense of dignity.

The time arrived to exchange gifts. It was just as Eunice predicted. Everyone had bought Krit glassware. Exquisite vases, pitchers and plates, all to further festoon Krit's walls that threatened to collapse from the weight of display cases. Dewey had outdone everyone with a glass sculpture of a phoenix rising from the ashes. The styling evoked the early 1950's. Dewey was in many ways the bane of Eunice's existence. He hit the same shops as she did, and frequently beat her to all the best pieces.

Eunice had saved her gift for last. "Krit, dah-ling, you know how much I hate to wrap gifts. Such a waste of time and money! So, in that spirit…" Eunice reached into her bag and proffered the framed photo, "Here’s to you in the best of health!"

Krit took the photo and showed it to his mother. She saw the picture of Chuck Norris and became instantly wracked with sobs. She whispered something in Farsi into Krit's ear, and then crushed her wet face into his shoulder.

"Krit ... is anything wrong?" Eunice asked. The gift was in bad taste, but in a friendly sort of way.

"Terribly, terribly sorry," Krit said in an apologetic tone. "My mother is crying tears of gladness. For you see, she lived under terrible conditions in Iran. There was no joy and the days were long and hard. She was just thinking back to the days when she and her friends would meet clandestinely to watch highly illegal satellite feeds from the West. My mother, and all of her friends, risked death by watching the media you all take for granted.


Guess what Tiny is thinking...

"One of these so-called examples of 'decadent' western thought was ‘Walker, Texas Ranger' with Chuck Norris. My mother would watch this show whenever she could. She would look into Chuck Norris' kind blue eyes, delight in his friendly smile and swore that she would come to the United States, even if it meant losing everything she had, including her life. She made it here... but alas, her brother did not."

Krit's mother continued to sob as did the entire table until everyone in the restaurant fell under the steel grip of silence.

Eunice rose from her chair and staggered away from the table.

Usually bitchy, Dewey grabbed her by the arm in a sullen moment and declared, "Eunice, that was beautiful…"

Eunice didn’t even feel the hand on her arm. She slipped free and stumbled out of the restaurant in a daze. As she walked, the cold night air stabbed at her face and arms, her life in tatters at the heels of her sequined pumps.

The growing pains of Bakersfield blogging - By N.L. Belardes

I just left a portion of this post on my new N.L. Belardes profile blog page on bakersfield.com. What do you think?


The growing pains of Bakersfield blogging - By N.L. Belardes


I had an interesting comment through Bakersfield.com’s profile services, part of which read:

“…Looking forward to seeing how prolific you'll be here at Bakersfield.com"

Recently I was at a local music show. I ran into a guy and mentioned the new profiles, blogging, and audio aspects of Bakersfield.com. He said, “I don’t see the Californian blogs going anywhere. It’s just going to be incestuous,” meaning that perhaps Californian’s blogs might fall within an inclusive group of staff and friends.

Already I have seen people who have criticized the Californian, myself included, use the new profile system for self-promotional and other promotional aims. So I would have to disagree with the incestuous comment.

Dan Pacheco of Bakersfield.com once indicated during a music night at Fishlips in downtown Bakersfield that the Internet is a huge love fest… and such cyber love is give and take. It takes a lot of sharing links to truly help each other’s sites to rise in the realm of Internet rankings.

We’ll see if I use the blogs very much. I look at it this way. I already have a blog engine that works really well. But yes, I am all for helping build an online community. And that means interacting even deeper within the recently termed “Bakosphere” (I already interact within bakotopia.com and MAS).

The Californian staff however is welcome to leave public comments on my Paperback Writer blog. But will they on my turf?

A few have. Some I have battled with, some I haven’t. That’s natural. We can’t always agree with each other.

Although Howard Owens is gone, I didn’t dislike him and we had a few online battles. I figured why not express my opinion and be direct with him at that about my opinions of the dangers of conversation journalism. After all, Howard did try to start a blogger war between me and that dastardly Black Dog.

He deserved my blunt honesty in return for his humorous attempt at blog battles.

The Californian views me in a peculiar light. I’m not always sure how that light shines, but doubt if it is often rosy. Yet, I feel the light on me, watching how I will interact. Sometimes I laugh and wonder if there are Post-Its all over the desks at the Californian, reading, “Stay off nlbelardes.com!”

All I can suggest is that growth begats growing pains. There’s a human element in the unseen faces behind many Bakersfield blogs. There are the unseen faces of the bloggers, those that control some of the blog communities, and those who plan them out, build, and maintain them. People’s feelings get hurt. And that leads to distrust. But when the dust settles, the Californian and myself are both trying to grasp a quickly growing and constantly transforming technology.

Share the blogs, share the comments, and don’t let others think that Bakersfield.com blogs are just an incestuous community, but one of sharing, growing, and building a respectable and diverse online presence within a global community.

The readers of this blog are there.

But will the comments be?

Bicoastal Babe Cynthia Langston hangs out on the West Coast with her new book - By N.L. Belardes

She’s a Playboy writer, a film buff and reviewer, and a self-proclaimed bicoastal babe. She’s a jet-setter who travels from coast to coast in a fast-moving trend-setting life of her own. And she’s a past controversial writer of straight-to-the-heart sex talk that would surely leave me squeamish in an interview.

It’s always fun to be embarrassed, isn’t it?

I hate when girls can out potty talk me.

Meet Cynthia Langston, hip novelist of urban fiction otherwise known as “Chick Lit”. I met her recently at a book signing and we talked shop about novels, blogs, and marketing in the new age of published writers.



On my way to see Disney’s Cars, I popped into Russo’s Books to talk to Mike Russo and instead stumbled into Cynthia Langston hanging out at a table stacked with the light blue cloudy covers of her just released novel, Bicoastal Babe.

No, she didn’t write a tale about trendy lesbians on the beach or hot chicks with psychosomatic disorders. Bicoastal Babe fits the character path of the bumbling heroine and reminds me of the opposite gender “Boy Lit” novel, Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity. In Bicoastal Babe the reader sees into the world of women: the heartache, the reality of compartmentalization, and the often superficial aspects of both sexes. If you’re a man reading Bicoastal Babe you realize you’re getting a glimpse into the secret and often unspoken world of fast-moving women.



In today’s world of popular urban sarcasm in literature, TV and film, writing deservedly comes from a style of individuals confident in their ability to be brash, witty, and humbly self-humiliating. This is the kind of company Cynthia Langston enjoys as a writer: unafraid to be wacky, dramatic and critical in the same breath. That’s confidence.

Such a style makes for a good read.

“Chick Lit” is an uncomplimentary genre term for a writer like Cynthia Langston who knows how to follow a literary genre model, but who captures the silliness, drama and daily tragedy of being human in a flowing, entertaining style that sparks giggles. Her novel is likely more true-to-life than she may admit, and its East Coast/West Coast flavors of fashion