Paperback Writer blog ends 2006 in flames: Bakersfield Christmas tree fire - By N.L. Belardes

We arrived when the campus police did.

It's the second fire I've stumbled upon in a week. This time, not just a few bushes off Freeway 58, but an entire towering Burning Man of Christmas trees in a lot near CSU Bakersfield.



Following a towering column of flames and smoke spotted by one of my kids, I took off through the CSU Bakersfield campus and arrived to see a few folks had arrived to dump their Christmas Trees. Only, the few folks there sat in their cars, or stood and gawked at the largest wood bonfire Bakersfield has probably seen since the town burned down nearly a century ago.


This tree ended up getting tossed in the fire

Campus police raced to the scene as we arrived.

I showed up about 2-3 minutes before the Bakersfield Fire Department. They just let the fire burn. They even added an extra tree to the fire for good measure...

What a way to end the year.


Waiting for the Bakersfield Fire Department. You can see their lights just to the upper right of the campus police vehicle.


An incredible New Year's Eve bonfire

VIDEO of arriving on the scene:


VIDEO of firemen tossing tree in flames:

Saddam Hussein Execution video - By N.L. Belardes

Warning: Graphic...



Your thoughts?

The uncut explanation of the video

* NY Times article, "Before hanging, a push for revenge and a push back" explains last hours leading up to the hanging. (A must read for anyone wanting to understand the hanging video)

Homeless set accidental fire near freeway 58? - By N.L. Belardes

Bakersfield firemen take care of business

I was on my way home from Edwards Theatre around 4pm when smoke was spotted near Hughes and Brundage Lane. Looked like some foliage along the 58 freeway had been set ablaze. Nothing to worry about. Engine six from the Bakersfield Fire Department were on the scene in no time and put the blaze out. One bystander thought the fire was set by two homeless people who ran from the scene.

Makes you wonder about the homeless in Bakersfield. There have been recent articles on Bakotopia and taking clothes out to the mayor of Beach Park to distribute. I even filmed a tent on the Kern riverbed recently. Looked like some really young folks were living there... Let's hope the homeless people in Bakersfield stay warm this winter season during their tough times.


Thanks Engine Six!

Video:

Man arrested on Bakersfield's Forrest Street - By N.L. Belardes

Bakersfield's Forrest Street is home to all kinds of criminal activity and strangeness. Just today I filmed someone getting arrested... For what? I have no idea... I know a lady who lives on my street who once got the city to install a temporary speed monitor. Just this year there were hit and runs, arrests, meth labs on fire, break-ins, and a nearby explosion of a bomb that sadly claimed lives. I'm sure I'm missing something.

The arrest footage (If you listen closely you can hear strange video game music).



More stories from the Oleander area:

Child Day of The Dead Strikes Bakersfield's Maple Street
Hit and run on Bakersfield police on Forrest Street?

Punk Shui Home Design for Anarchists by Josh Amatore Hughes inspires dead couch - By N.L. Belardes

Read the article that inspired the dead couch, "Punk Shui: Home Design for Anarchists by Josh Amatore Hughes inspires living changes".

Then watch the video. Punk Shui was just temporary living room art. Sorry for those of you who don't get the humor...

Black Dog video of Wilco's Company in my back - By N.L. Belardes

Enjoy more from Black Dog...



Black Dog video 2 "Al least that's what she said"

Black Dog video 3 "Black Dog"

My Life Disoriented airs on PBS tonight - By N.L. Belardes

Asian-American short film 'My Life Disoriented', a TV series pilot with interest from MTV and PBS about life when moving to Bakersfield... airs tonight at 10pm.

Thanks JS for the tip.

Go here for youtube clips and more...

* Side Note: Di Quon, who wrote the pilot, was the first under 21 writer for the Bakersfield Californian (early 1990s). She wrote an entertainment column... Now she's an actress and writer. She appeared in Maid in Manhattan with Jennifer Lopez and had a speaking role, portraying a seamstress... Read an interview. (more...)

Another song from Black Dog - By N.L. Belardes

Here's a little more Christmas pride for my kids in the alt country band, Black Dog.

Lando from Black Dog wrote a song called "Black Dog". You can view it here.

Now check them out performing Wilco's "At Least That's What She Said" at The Empty Space Theatre with Matt Munoz and Cesareo Garasa of Mento Buru:



I'll post a few more videos. They also performed songs by Johnny Cash, Uncle Tupelo, Golden Smog, Wilco, and more.. I think what you will find amazing is that Matt and Cesareo never even practiced with Black Dog. That's talent!

The day James Brown was no more - By N.L. Belardes

I wandered downtown Bakersfield this Christmas morning. I remembered that James Brown was going to appear at the Fox Theatre in February. So I slipped into my car and headed to see if his name were on the marquee. There were a few cars passing through the heart of Bakersfield. A couple of people wandered the streets, and a taxi passed down 19th. Ahh, posters of James Brown. I won't get to see him after all: the soul funk American icon. But at least I got these photos for you.

Bakersfield alt country band Black Dog performs with special guests - By N.L. Belardes

Matt Munoz and Cesareo Garasa of Mento Buru guest appeared during the debut of alt country band, Black Dog earlier tonight...

Check them out...

Random Times offends Kenny Mount with new holiday edition Jesus cover - By N.L. Belardes

Earlier this evening I saw Kenny Mount storm angrily out of the Empty Space Theatre.

Why?

The new edition of The Random Times is out and let me tell you, its cover is sure to offend some of the conservative minds of Bakersfield. One already offended is Kenny Mount of The Filthies. He's spoken out, and just saw the new cover this evening at The Empty Space Theatre. Apparently, after he stormed off, he went straight home and wrote me an email.

Now, before you get your panties in a bunch, here's the cover and you can make your own decision:


A pentagram and a dying God with a Santa hat? Would you read this newspaper to find out what these images are all about?

Personally, I wouldn't care if the cover of a local rag had a photo of Donald Duck being cooked ala Peking by a disgruntled Jesus in a Tweed suit. I think folks have a right to create whatever art they want to make. The writers for the Random Times just have to realize their names become associated with any controversial cover art.

Here's Kenny Mount's email I just received:

I'm pissed! The new random times for December has a picture of some
jack off bastard on the cross looking like Jesus Christ with a Santa hat
on! That's not why I'm pissed! I'm angry because I thought we were
going to have an awesome new Alt paper that was going to cover the scene,
stir the pot, attack the "MAN" and take it back to grass roots. Instead
we get the lamest attempt at making people angry. Jesus? In December?
I'm Catholic, but I could give a rats ass if you sat down on a bible and
took a shit on it. Shove a crucifix in your vagina like Linda
Blair....who cares. But don't put Jesus on the cover for shock value like it's
something new and refreshing...Hey look everyone! We've never seen this
before! It's Jesus with a Santa cap! If you wanted to shock people,
shock us with something we haven't seen before. Everyone knows Christmas
wasn't about Christ until the puritans made it that way. Yes, Germans
brought a tree in their homes and ate all the livestock save for two.
Everyone knows that Mistletoe was for plugging Victorian chicks because
they were prudes!!! We already know.

Somehow I knew this paper would suck. Now I can't even wipe my ass with
it because Jesus is on the cover. You want to shock us? Put a picture
of Moses whacking off with a dildo in his ass, or how about a Kwanzaa
parade through Oildale. Or maybe, just maybe, a picture of an event or
upcoming play or a supporter of the paper or a band? Wow, that would
really be shocking. Fucking people. You get all excited about something and
they just let you down. While trying to be different and fresh they
already turned this paper into rancid turd. And for you people who will
accept this paper as it is and continue to read it....you're only
encouraging them to print more.

Kenny

So, you make your own choice on whether you agree with Kenny Mount or not.

Santa Elf says "Pay!" at Bakersfield Ice Sports Center - By N.L. Belardes

The guys in Black Dog (performing alt country music tomorrow at The Empty Space Theatre 4-6pm with special guest Matt Munoz on sax. There's also an art bazaar) were headed to the Bakersfield Ice Sports Center and I thought: why not poke my head in and take some lovely video footage for the folks in Paperback Writer land to feel some Christmas cheer? That was about 30 minutes ago...

Lo and behold there was indeed an unexpected Santa in the house...

I shot some footage. But I was told by an inquisitive elf to "Pay!" Huh? That's nuts! I wasn't gonna pay for footage of the back of Santa's head through smudged glass. Heh. Watch...

Hazel Dixon-Cooper’s Rotten Day book series don’t mess around with your rotten life. Buy Now! - By N.L. Belardes

Hazel Dixon-Cooper AKA THE SWAMI is talking to you!

If you’re looking for last minute Christmas presents, something for someone you love or hate, then I know some books you can pick up. This is it! And I don’t just mean pick up. I mean get your tail to Russo's, Borders, or Barnes & Noble, and pick up and read yourself before you give away as final Xmas gifts. A dose of honesty, a reflective dip in the pool of love, or your future according to your very unfabulous personality type? Hey, if you’re looking to psychoanalyze all the flaws in the personality of your new lover, or your long-time partner, then Hazel Dixon-Cooper’s Love on a Rotten Day and Born on a Rotten Day are musts.

Did I just mention, lovers? Oh I meant your significant other, or your spouse, or your best friend of the opposite sex who tells you that you will be their best pally wally forever. Are they just feeding you a line? A dose of honesty might be what they need, and let me tell you Hazel A.K.A THE SWAMI does not mess around. According to Hazel I was definitely born on a rotten apple of a day. She tells me all kinds of truths about myself that I freely admit to here, but that most people would get so squeamish they would throw the book at the head of the person who purchased it.

Truth can hurt, literally.

(Stir your morning rottenness with Hazel and Cosmo at 7:10 a.m. Pacific time, and Go To Bed With Cosmo at 6 p.m. Pacific time. Hazel takes calls from listeners on the evening show, so call her: Sirius Satellite Channel 111. 1-888-81-COSMO)


This is how much an asshole I really am...


Is this THE SWAMI?

What are you, a Libra? A Capricorn? A Taurus? Read the Rotten series, and learn how you really do ruin the lives of others including yourself. Why buy the books? Because you need truth dammit! And they make for great coffee table books and party get-together bed wetters. Yes, everyone at the party will start peeing their pants when they begin reading passages that tell them they are indeed HUMAN and ROTTEN.


Is this THE SWAMI?

Think if Lemony Snicket preached apocalyptic and hypnotic prose to adults. Hazel, oh dear me, you SWAMI, you are definitely that and more in Born on a Rotten Day.


Oh my God! I am truly rotten to the core!

And don’t think Love on a Rotten Day fares much better. I mean it's great. Buy it! But be prepared for reality TV in your own life of fake love and fluffy pseudo-romance. Sure, you might have a love bunny in your life. But Hazel tells you why you're allergic to bunnies and find more fascination in Bugs Bunny cartoons than your fine furry buck-toothed lover. You’ll learn just why you aren’t the perfect soulmate for Paris Hilton and Britney Spears (Or Johnny Depp) and just why they might think you’re retarded. Yes, it’s because you’re human and can’t see straight. But that’s beside the point. Are you getting my point? Astrology, written from a no-holds-barred perspective is delightful, honest, brutal, and if you can admit defeat prior to reading THE SWAMI’S books, then you’ll absolutely appreciate Hazel’s sharp wit and fiery humor. I know I do.


Love me tender, Hazel...

And it rubs off on her friends too! Hazel’s mysterious counterparts in the literary world all seem to have an uncanny way of seeing just how transparent our souls really are. Now, if she could just fix mine...


Could this be THE SWAMI?

Check out our ROTTEN interview:

N.L.: Let me just say that upon reading your twin constellations (Your books) that I was guided to the very stars in an out-of-body experience that literally slapped me in the face and punched me in the stomach. I hurtled back to Earth a molten lump of meteorite. Care to comment?

Hazel: Most Libras have frequent out-of-body experiences...it's a naughty Venus thing.

N.L.: I have faced some kind of reality check to rediscover if my personality traits are as rotten as your book claims them to be. They're all true. How about your own personality traits? Are they rotten too?

Hazel: I'm impressed Dr. Nick! You're one of those rare people who have the honest indecency to admit that they are rotten. Most tell me that, in my books, I nailed their rotten friends and relatives, however, their sign didn't sound like them at all. Give yourself 100 enlightenment points.

As for my rotten side, what can the Swami say except that I'm a Neptune-ruled child of the Sixties. Sex, drugs, rock and roll. However, I can honestly say that I've never inhaled anything—having preferred double-chocolate brownies to rolling my own. And, I haven't been drunk lately (not since Tuesday after writing class). By the way, I think you have the cutest feet.



Hazel? Are you in there?

N.L.: Thank you, Hazel. Ahem. Do you have any rotten traits that help you to be a prolific writer?

Hazel: I read lips and always carry mini-binoculars and a notebook. Gemini rising (don't tell Bonnie), which commands me to comment on everything under the Sun. Plus, a shark-like sense of humor that only appears on paper, or after a few beers.

N.L.: I heard you're from the Central Valley? Tell Dr. Nick about your childhood and how it helped you to become who you are: a woman tapped into the unseen cosmos of
interpreting auras.

Hazel: I'm from Alpaugh (go Buffalos!) - that alkali-covered village a little north of Bakersfield. Growing up isolated and on a farm, my choices were very limited—stay in my room reading Cosmo and Linda Goodman, or get pregnant at 14 and temporarily become Mrs. Ricky Bobby Redneck, Jr. Shudder.

I was born tapped into the Universe. As Baby Swami I knew it wasn't wise to speak about the Moon's phases, other than the best times to fish or plant okra. However, against my family's advice ("Yer goin' straight to Hell kid."), I followed my own destiny--studying astrology, burying snips of my sister's hair in the backyard, and dancing under the cottonwood trees every Full Moon.


This might not be Hazel either

N.L.: Talk about Bonnie Hearn Hill and Cindy Wathen. Are they rotten too? What do these ladies auras mean to you?

Hazel: Swami Woman never squeals on her friends.

These women have stellar auras and balls-to-the-walls resolve. Bonnie is a double-Gemini. In plain-speak this means that she writes with both hands and one foot (two if she's on an editorial deadline while she's finishing a novel). Cindy is a discriminating Virgo—but not the precious kind. Beneath that movie star face, she's as tough as nails. We affectionately called her the Budget Nazi at Yosemite.


You're way too damn serious. Just accept the reality

N.L.: Look, I'm no hypnotist, but I bet if I could get you hypnotized you'd tell an amazing story about how you hooked up with Cosmopolitan magazine. Tell the tale in pure hypnotic fashion:

Hazel: I would have to swallow the black capsule before I could allow myself to be hypnotized. I could get locked up for my dark-side fantasies, besides, I'm saving them for a book.

Connecting with Cosmo is a true-life truth-is-stranger-than-fiction story. The publicist at my publisher, Simon and Schuster, sent a pre-publication galley to Cosmo’s book editor to review. As serendipity would have it, the former Bedside Astrologer had just resigned and Cosmo loved my book (Born On A Rotten Day) and invited me to audition for the column. That grew into the daily horoscope for Cosmo Mobile, our cell phone product, then Friday guest spots on Cosmo Radio – Wake Up With Cosmo at 7:10 a.m. Pacific time, and Go To Bed With Cosmo at 6 p.m. Pacific time. I take calls from listeners on the evening show, so call me sometime…Sirius Satellite Channel 111. 1-888-81-COSMO.


Am I getting warmer or fluffier?

N.L.: Which book was easier to write: Love on a Rotten Day, or Born on a Rotten Day? I mean, you must have tapped into some kind of freaky plane of universal zodiac characteristics floating in an ethereal fog that you just grabbed and wrote down. You make astrological-related writing seem easy.

Hazel: Born On A Rotten Day was the hardest. As a procrastinating Pisces and first-time author, I really had no conception of how much time it would take to write the manuscript. It was due to my publisher in seven months and I finished the last chapter at 5AM on the morning I had to FedEx it to my editor. Although I am still a procrastinator, I’m not stupid – so Love Rotten went much smoother and I finished it a week or so ahead of deadline.

It did come from a freaky plane, the one in my head, and the books were fun to write because I could say on paper all the little nasty things I would never say to someone’s face, being politely raised in the Southern way. You know, that’s where you only say nasty stuff behind someone’s back, or when you’ve had a couple of beers, or are trying to run over them with your truck.

For me, all writing is hard. Some days I sit here, staring at the cursor blinking and it’s a struggle to get one page written. So, thank you for saying that I made it seem easy. That’s a great compliment.


Hazel, it's you!! She's on the right. Writer, Connie Fulmer is on her left, They're at the Yosemite Writers Conference. I was there. Read all eight parts

N.L.: Have you worked on another book lately? What topic? Will I read it and feel like I'm an asshole just like Born on a Rotten Day did? I mean, I hope so.

Hazel: Yes, my new book proposal just sold to the Weiser Books division of Red Wheel/Weiser/Conari publishing. This one is about women’s friendships/relationships. So it shouldn’t make you feel like an asshole, Dr. Nick, but you might learn a few secrets about the women in your life.

N.L.: Hazel, do you have any final words of wisdom?

Hazel: Yes, Dr. Nick, never stop kicking ass…especially your own until you get what you want in life.

*********
And that’s why I love Hazel: “never stop kicking ass”. I love that line! Now, run and buy these last minute gifts. Your future depends on it!

Born on a Rotten Day and Love on a Rotten Day at Amazon

Bakersfield’s Backstage reveals the ghost of Bam Bams - By N.L. Belardes

Two generations in Bakersfield rock: 15-year-old Lando from Dirty Spanglish talks to Dennis from Fifth Wheel (formerly of Bakersfield punk legends, Active Ingrediants) at Bakersfield's Backstage

Bam Bams is the name of a rock music venue that lives in Bakersfield infamy. For years the venue at 20th and M Street in downtown Bakersfield remained closed. Only the ghosts of Bakersfield’s punk past stirred the dust of nearby streets. Who knows, maybe those moshing ghosts have reappeared through the years at the dance studio that now takes up half of what once was the first big punk rock venue in Bakersfield.


Dirty Spanglish recently performed at Bakersfield's Backstage, formerly Bam Bams, with Hornz and Haloz and Fifth Wheel

I asked Kenny “Motor” Mount of The Filthies about memories of old Bam Bams and if he ever performed there. He's been performing in Bakersfield area bands for more than 15 years:

Around 1990 I saw Green Day at Bam Bams. I was there with Jason Bonilla. He was in a band called the Hitchcocks with me. Everyone else was in the bar having a beer and ignored Green Day, who weren’t even supposed to play. I think they were there with friends. I remember they kept saying “We’re Green Day from the Bay Area” as if that was going to be a big deal. But they sounded horrible then… They were the first band to play that night. There was maybe twenty people in Bam Bams. But only me and Jason and some other drunk guy listened. The drunk guy kept yelling ‘You suck!’

Every time he played—he had a Fender Stratocaster—he kept turning his guitar down from strumming it because his hand kept hitting the knob; so he’d turn it back up. They played four songs and the only one I recognized was ‘409 in my Coffeemaker’.

I performed there with the Hitchcocks and Brian Jones Was Murdered. And then punk rock bands in high school like Crucified Bovine. and a bunch of punk bands that I never had names for. Oh yeah, and the door handle was gone off the women’s restroom…


Bakersfield band, Hornz and Haloz also performed at Backstage recently

Matt Munoz of Mento Buru has also been performing in Bakersfield area bands for more than 15 years. Here's what he had to say about Bam Bams and Kenny Mount's bathroom statement:

I don’t know, Kenny. I never spent time in the women’s bathroom.

Now, John Bentley changed the name of Bam Bams a few times because of the IRS. I remember one of the names was The Zoo. It was no secret to all of us working there. John was a nice guy and everybody developed a way of dealing with him. A lot of bands were just starting out. For us, we started in 1991, but didn’t gig until 91 or 92. Jake Chavez DJ’d that first night. It was a Sunday night. A handful of people were there; Matt Barajas was there. Bentley's typical payment: either a few hundred bucks or rolls of change.

When it was Bam Bams the cops were coming down on alternative lifestyle people. Nearby, the Mint was known as a place for local misfits.

The young gay kids used to hold protests in front of the courthouse. I remember seeing my friend’s brother on the news. “What’s he doing on the TV for?” He’d just come out of the closet. The cops were harassing young gay kids and punk kids. It was so new to Bakersfield. A punk venue had never taken off. They had shows at VFW and American Legion Halls. Marc DeLeon’s dad was a Vietnam vet so we had access to those venue. You had to have your dad or a connected family member help you out in those days.

But at Bam Bams there was harassment from the get go. That old parking lot was where everything went down. We learned about the ways and the woes of life right there. Even though it was rough and tough there was a common bond. We were all creating something new. Skinheads, punks, gays, everybody could go there and it was no big deal. Everybody for the most part got along. Bakersfield social misfits finally had a place to call their own and it was called Bam Bams.

As far as the owner, John Bentley? You loved him or hated him. Without him, where were you going to play? Who was going to give you the place to throw the shows? It’s no secret he was having some problems. A lot of us who are now in the entertainment business, we learned from that. Spike 1000s first CD that ever came out was dedicated to: “Bend me over gently, Bentley”. I don’t think it was a gay insult. A lot of bands felt screwed. I think as young bands, most of us were just happy to play.


Backstage as it appears today...

Cradle of Thorns would pack that place out. The first time I had ever seen Cesareo Garasa, Paperhouse was opening up for the lonely there.

Before Mento, Big Joe Vasquez was friends with Paperhouse. I ran into Joe there. “I’m going to stand here and make sure no one rushes the stage,” he said. Only 15 people were in attendance and big Joe was standing there with his arms crossed. I remember Mike Brown’s analog keyboard was so large he had to set it up on the floor near the stage. You know those white plastic Adirondack chairs you see at picnics? That’s what he sat on… He played trumpet in the BC marching band with us. He had to go outside of Bam Bams and calm down just because his band had gotten together and debuted. He was so excited. I will never be able to have that feeling again when Mento debuted. My bottom lip was shaking so much I had natural vibrato on my sax.

I was just this young guy from McFarland. I was developing my own musical identity as a performing musician. Some of the stuff I saw there I thought whoah man this is a trip. But I wasn't scared. Although for people on the outside it was a nightly Freak Show.

It was the punk rock Studio 54.

The only band I saw pack that place out was Cradle of Thorns. We played with Rice and Beans from Goleta and Let’s go Bowling from Fresno. That was a big show. KBCC had a fund raiser like the Radio Rain Dance called the Toe Jam. Me and Joe played horns with Lily Cigar. We headlined and we were young and everybody went crazy and were moshing to ska. We thought we were on to something here… We always talk about those Bam Bam days… It was closed for a long time afterwards. It was even a local museum. John Bentley tried to open it again, but it didn't happen.

About a year ago Frank Kruz re-opened the venue under a new name: Backstage. The space is about half the size as old Bam Bams, but boasts a great sound system, rock star lighting, and a wall covered in posters. I’ve attended a few shows, but the best thus far was a recent show with Dirty Spanglish, Hornz and Haloz and Fifth Wheel: all Bakersfield area bands.

At the end of the night I interviewed Dennis from Fifth Wheel, formerly from the recently retired Active Ingrediants: Bakersfield’s longest running punk rock band at 15 years. Dennis, who works at Front Porch Music near the Nile Theatre in downtown Bakersfield, is still punk rock. His new band boasts rural rock punk all the way: punk with a dash of the Bakersfield Sound. “You gotta keep to your roots,” he said in an interview at Backstage. Dennis reminds me a little of the gruff everyday man look and unique thrashing sounds of a Frank Black, mixed in with a punk skaterboy hipness and the working class toughness of wearing a punk-metal jacket honoring Metallica and Iron Maiden.

Only a few youth were in the house by the time Fifth Wheel performed. Most of the crowd had arrived for Hornz and Haloz. But that was enough for Dennis to speak out about the history of the venue, and to blacken the eye of Jerry’s Pizza a little.

Watch what Dennis had to say about Bam Bams of yesteryear and listen to one of their tunes:



I followed up Fifth Wheel’s performance with an interview with Dennis. Check it out:



Although I’m sure there are others (I just don’t hear about them) there are only a handful of really young high school age bands in Bakersfield. I was sad when Freedom Bleeds Chaos broke up. But there’s still The Pants, Smash the State, Aural Attack, and Dirty Spanglish who performed first at Backstage with Hornz and Haloz and Fifth Wheel.

I like that my kid Lando performs in a rock band that hits the Bakersfield scene. I’m really impressed that they’re maturing all the time. Between writing music and always pondering his next big film, Lando and the rest of Dirty Spanglish are rural rock punk that reflects a fun side of Bakersfield youth. “We just have a lot more fun things to talk about in our songs than what you usually hear in the Goth or emo music scene,” Lando said. Yeah, I know Lando and his buddies take their music seriously. He writes most of their songs and debuted another new pop punk ditty when they played Backstage.

And that’s cool, especially coming from a bunch of high school sophomores from Bakersfield High. These kids were mostly friends since attending Curran Junior High. They formed Dirty Spanglish their freshman year, have gone through a few drummers, with Chris being their latest, but everyone else are original members: Shaun and Nick.

Their songs have remained a vibrant youthful mix of punk energy and fun. It’s not the hardcore punk out of the bands associated with Bakersfield’s Going Underground Records that regularly perform at Munoz Gym. Some of those guys tour the country with virtuous intentions as the true torchbearers of rock from the Bakersfield punk scene.

There’s just a lot of different kinds of punk music coming out of Bakersfield.







Dirty Spanglish are punk-influenced kids having a good time with the pop side of the punk genre that I like to call rural rock punk. They’re influenced by old punk like the Dead Kennedys and new punk like The Filthies, and even play a decent cover of The Filthies' “Donut Shop”.

One Dirty Spanglish song titled, “The Big No” is a tongue and cheek anti-Fresno Falcon hockey song. They boast another hockey song titled “Zebras” which pokes at big-headed ice hockey referees. “She’s a Jones Soda” is about relationships, while “Electric” Lando says, “is a song about kids in a band practicing next door to a shop where the owner hates loud noise.”

I dig it.


Dirty Spanglish watches Hornz and Haloz

And don’t forget these rural rock punk kids play a mean cover of the Johnny Cash hit “Folsom Prison Blues”. Lando, a big fan of Bakersfield’s Crystal Palace venue, Buck Owens and the Buckaroos, is even in an alt country band called Black Dog (Named in honor of the now defunct Black Dog blog, and because Lando’s brother performs on a mean black violin) (Read the controversy about the band name Black Dog: The remnants of The Elitist Press tried to stir John Jones emotions over the name. I talked to John over the phone to assure him that the name Black Dog is a great name for a band, and honors the spirit of his old blog with great alt country covers and original tunes. One of the Buckaroos, Dave Wulfekuehler, is slated as their incognito drummer. Black Dog will debut this Saturday at The Empty Space Theatre from 4-6PM and will be accompaniedby Matt Munoz).

Check out an interview with Dirty Spanglish:



And then check out the band performing “Electric” ( I apologize for terrible sound. When I stand close to a band to get good images, guitar distortion kills the MIC. But check it out…! Oh yeah!)



The second band up for the night was the most popular of the evening. Why? Hornz and Haloz had a huge crowd! I’ve written before about the working class metal movement out of Bakersfield, and these guys who are all hard working Bakersfield men prove it.





Hornz and Haloz played a rock fusion of punk, classic rock, psychobilly, and metal and even finished up the night with a rousing encore. The crowd chanted “One more! One more!” and got it in style with an Back in Black-Born to be wild mix that had everyone going absolutely insane.

These working class twenty-something guys give a new name to “Bakersfield rock metal anthem” with dramatic guitar solos, dark bass riffs, and a lead man complete with rock star poses and a killer spiked mohawk.

Hornz and Haloz interview:



Hornz and Haloz performance (sorry about the sound):

California Living Museum lightasmic - By N.L. Belardes

The lights of Lightasmic? Well, there were a lot of them. The cost? Way too much to get in the door. The beautiful aspect: so-so. The worries: how do all the animals at the zoo cope with the lights, and how are they going to get lights off trees before they choke to death?

My recommendation is that on your journey to see cool Christmas lights you travel to Haagen Oaks, Westchester, then head out to view the lights of CALM from the comfort of your car--hot cocoas in hand. You'll be in awe for a few moments. No need to pay for it. Besides, who wants to wait an hour for a Ferris Wheel ride?

It's definitely a must if out driving around the Bakersfield area looking at holiday decorations... from a distance.

The box man cometh - By N.L. Belardes

This is a meaningless entry at the expense of some guy who is really into his cart. I love it. It's cardboard heaven. But it passes quick... once you sit through the annoying red light.

Jason Rickett writes a novel, and talks Blackboard politics - By N.L. Belardes

Jason Rickett has been spending some of his time writing a novel. The reality is he’s one tough retired newspaper publisher to get a hold of. But I’ve been lucky. He’s written me two of the biggest letters I’ve ever received in my life, and I’ve never had to dial his number. Both letters talk about life and politics in the ongoing debate about Bakersfield’s recently defunct Blackboard Free Press (Read when they announced shutting down and Rickett's first letter).

Hopefully in the letter you are about to read you will appreciate Rickett’s humor and wit in handling the negative anonymous comments that I have a hard time allowing on the blogs... I wrote to Rickett in an email:

Every time I allow an anonymous comment I feel like I'm letting someone get away with robbing the bank. But I allow hoping the discourse will eventually even out…

I agree with some of what Jason Rickett has to say about Bakersfield being “apathetic” in regards to supporting the arts. I wrote in another email:

I am in agreement with you about the apathetic city we live in. The arts community is torn. I've seen it, experienced it, and because of my news reports, have contributed to the reality of a torn city of in-fighting arts. Though I know it happens in other cities. I've been getting a lot of first-hand reports out of LA. Bakersfield surely isn't alone.

So the Blackboard newspaper is dead again after writer Richard Bramer tried to resurrect the Blackboard and its Internet archives (You can still read all the archives online). Bramer apparently spoke too soon, and hadn’t contacted Rickett about the Blackboard before announcing here on Paperback Writer, and organizing a meeting for writers that the Blackboard would be starting up again (Read Bramer’s announcing the canceling of plans to start the Blackboard and Bramer's response to anonymous posts).

Talk afterwards has been dim. I made light of the situation in my post. But that didn’t keep Rickett from being criticized. One anonymous commenter writes:

…It was common gossip he owed all kinds of money on the Blackboard (as well as sent out emails about problems with his personal life - I can imagine how many people knew about his personal life because I got forwarded them by a friend. How embarassing and unprofessional.) If The Californian takes over, The Blackboard will turn into another Mas or Southwest/Northwest Voice. Just what Bakersfield needs. Far from a free press. Probably it will just die now though and we'll keep seeing papers that go nowhere, like all of the other ones that have blew through town.

I don't care in the end. I liked the Blackboard better before it turned into into a pot platform and vanity project. Good riddance to the paper that went down the tubes. But sad that the Blackboard is gone. It was part of history here. But so much for history and tradition. This is just another example of how much Bakersfield sucks. People don't support each other, and especially artists. Karma will take care of everything in the end. Bakersfield is not ready for an underground press paper that will actually last due to small hearted and greedy people. Just sign me "pissed off"

I think in reassessing why the Blackboard failed, my past criticism of Rickett was too harsh. I think the Bakersfield community is at fault. I suppose that involves everyone who just assumed the paper was going to stay afloat. People tend to take services such as The Blackboard Free Press for granted. That probably includes the Paperback Writer blog too. It’s not like I get paid to write. If I closed shop, would the art, music, film and literary scene even feel like it lost a voice? I don’t know. But that’s the key. If people feel like they lost a voice, then another alternative newspaper with a shared community vision needs to start up. My opinion is that a really good alternative newspaper needs academics writing for them... but that’s just my own self-interest in newspapers with stronger voices, not just people with high school writing experience trying to connect to an intellectual audience.

Enough said. Here’s Rickett’s letter:

Wow! I feel all warm and squishy inside. In all the discussions about the Blackboard's reopening and subsequent closing, the discussion that resulted has been enlightening. If anything, it tells me how beloved the Blackboard was.

I also want to confirm and clarify some of the things that my "confidant" has posted as one of the comments. GRRR... "confidant," that information was given to you in confidence (therefore: confidant), though I understand that you were defending me from some of the troglodytes that like to post anonymous criticisms. Anything these people say show their ignorance in their comments, and is best they are left alone. The people that know the truth are all that matter.

True. The Californian will never have the Blackboard. The nature of a free press is to remain truly free, even in death.

True. I am handling the debt. I had the opportunity to stick Richard Bramer with the debt simply by remaining quiet. He would have said he was the owner of the Blackboard, he would have printed the newspaper, and the lawyers handling the debt would have gone after him (since the name on the debt is The Blackboard, not Jason Rickett). I prevented that from happening since it truly is my responsibility. I am not trying to foist the debt onto someone else. I am not asking for help with that debt.

Somewhat true. The marijuana situation was both my ex-wife's and my decision, though I was not as warm to the subject as she was, and did try to reverse that decision later. Yes, with [gasp] porn web sites or 1-900 numbers like the L.A. Weekly does, but I never pursued that direction, since I did think that would have really condemned the newspaper to a whole lower standard. I talked about the idea, but never followed up with it.

Um... er... I don't know what to say about "vanity projects." Sounds like someone who might have submitted stuff to the newspaper, and was rejected because they weren't included for whatever reasons at the time. I had a long list of stuff that was rejected because of racism, ignorance, or just because it didn't fit with the newspaper. Also, many times, I simply forgot to include it: it's very hard to keep track of hundreds of submissions and making sure every one was included in the space allotted.

Somewhat true. I don't think Richard was heinously trying to steal the newspaper. I'm sure that I have been very hard to get a hold of for the past few months, because I've been working on a number of projects like a novel and quitting smoking. I'm sure he tried all the avenues of contacting me that he could. I think he didn't do his homework before he opened his mouth, and unfortunately, the more he spoke, the more ignorant he sounded. Since he backed away from the situation, I'm assuming he checked with a lawyer and saw that what I was warning him about was true, and all-in-all, I'm still the owner of the Blackboard and I'm still responsible for the newspaper and it's debt.

I too think this community doesn't deserve to have a free press. They had to chance to support one the better efforts that came along in years, many times. Financially, with new advertising, a random donation, but not constantly asking for freebies. Physically, by putting some muscle to the plow, by getting newspapers out into the community, working on the website or any other help. Emotionally, by sending an email to the newspaper every once in a while saying something positive rather than consistently bitching or remaining quiet. I received much support after it was closed, and that was heartwarming, and also too little too late. I would love to get back into the biz, but I don't think the people here have what it takes. Very few supports the theaters, the film makers, the artists, the galleries, the music groups, and all of us struggle every single month to make ends meet. Then all the in-fighting amongst the art community (as is obvious with the comments and posts on this blog) makes it even worse. It's sad and pathetic.

It is true that Fresno has an independent newspaper and has had for over 10 years. Fresno's got us beat by far on the arts scene, which I'm sure is why they get better concerts, better art festivals, because the same per capita population supports their arts community. Bakersfield is just too apathetic. It is changing, a huge difference that how it was in the '80's, but not at the speed that is needed to break an independent press out of the blogs and into newsprint.

Anybody that always has negative things to say, go run a newspaper for two months, do it entirely by yourself as I did, and see how much work is involved. Once you've done that and you still have complaints, more power to you. Otherwise, may the bluebird of happiness promptly shit on your head.

Anyone can contact me through my website www.jasonrickett.com or through my email address jasonrickett@sbcglobal.net Both will be up and running as long as I am up and running! No phone numbers because I'm sure enjoying the peace and the ability to concentrate on my writing and getting my personal life back together.

peace
Jason Rickett

The Ballad of the Nintendo Wii: Part One - By N.L. Belardes

Some people don’t understand the word, Revolution. Around 1980 I hung out in South Bakersfield and stored up my lunch money—saved each day from the hard knocks of begging kids for junk food in the Emerson Junior High cafeteria. If I fared well I would have enough money to hang out on Chester Avenue after school at the local Sno White burger joint, where there was a stand-up Defender game. You know that archaic word, “ARCADE”? Well Sno White had a little arcade, and it was everything to me.

No, I never bought any food or sodas. Who the hell had money for that? It was all about Defender and having the high score for the day. Mostly I would compete with Jimmy Green. He was a tall scrawny surfer kid who later became a punk rocker and claims to even have had Courtney Love’s diary at one time.

In my opinion, Defender was one of those rare games that revolutionized arcades. It was a game that I’m guessing many kids were addicted to after school. I couldn’t have been the only one in America spending lunch money on arcades.

There’s been a lot of gaming revolutions since then, though now I think arcades are dead.

Other than PC games, nowadays home consoles are totally where it’s at. The revolutions have been masterful: Atari 2600, Coleco, Intellivision, Sega, Nintendo 64, Nintendo Gamecube, PlayStations, XBOX. And now the Nintendo Wii.

I thought recently it would make a good story here on Paperback Writer just to go explore the idea of trying to purchase a new gaming system: PlayStation 3 or Nintendo Wii.

My first tip came through a friend of a friend who led me to EB Games in Bakersfield’s Valley Plaza Mall. The tip was that EB Games was getting a shipment of consoles, most likely Wii, between 11am and 1pm. It was a weekday. I didn’t care. I left work. I was hot on a story, and quick to find myself getting hot on Wii.

I did some research. Wow, the PlayStation 3 graphics looked hot. Resistance: The Fall of Man looked like Doom 3 meets Half-Life Two on the streets of Los Angeles and Call of Dutyville. The trailer got me thinking PlayStation 3. I didn’t bother to look up the Wii, though even the name itself is addicting.

I showed up at EB Games at 9:30 am. There were two people in the store. Once again I made the mistake of actually asking if I could take photos. The manager was uptight. He had a phone strapped to his hip like some IT warrior with too many passwords. He would use it if he had to: to shut us all down. He yelped, “No photography is allowed in the store!” If I were smart I would have snapped his photo right then. I wasn’t quick enough to the draw. As I continued my conversation with him he suddenly interrupted, “Form a line outside of the store! Geez. I don’t know what you’re all doing here?” As he made his supreme announcement another patron entered the store. She and the two others lined up. I quietly followed as I thought, This guy is a moron. We’re all here based on tips from EB Store staff. We’re strategic holiday shoppers? I mean, this doofus possibly holds the key to my grail of the 2006 holiday Christmas buying season? Someone get him some valium!

At EB Games, Bakersfield Valley Plaza Mall:


Or maybe that was just his way of trying to throw people off the trail of the truth: a video game shipment to be coveted.

Out in the mall area I stood in line and quietly listened to the conversations around me: all Wii talk. A guy form DHL suddenly zoomed past. Was this the delivery man? Was it time for console heaven? No, he passed. Wrong carrier. False alarm.

False alarm 1:


Soon enough the Fed Ex guy came around pulling a giant cart of boxes. Could this be the hidden Technicolor dreamcoat, the crackerjacks bonus in one of the boxes, the coveted gamer prize: to be a willing participant in a greedy corporate supply/demand gaming gimmick so evil and wonderfully constructed that I would pay for a console using a bad check—if I’d had one. I was there with plastic: a card worth .0001 cents, yet it could shell out $800.00 with a sleight of the hand and a swipe of the card.

False alarm 2:


No. He handed the manager a tiny envelope. Sucks.

And then the rumors started:

“Maybe there are no games coming.”

“I heard it’s just the Wii. No PlayStations.”

OK, I can live with either or after standing in line for an hour.

“I hear only 3-5 games are in each EB shipment.”

“I hope it’s not 3. I’m number 4 in line,” I said.

The #5 guy in line grimaced, “I hope not.” He had been surfing online using keywords like Nintendo Wii shipments to try to stay ahead of the whole chase-the-console game.

And then there, in the distance, came the UPS guy pulling a giant cart of boxes. All the talk of only three games had me suddenly thinking 30. I could sense the games in their boxes. I could smell em!

The arrival of the UPS guy:


Suddenly the manager appeared. He wore the same grimace and appeared annoyed and wide-eyed. He yelped, “I have three consoles that’s it!!”

What? But all those boxes on the cart?! All I could think was how I let someone slip in front of me in line. Holiday shopping faux pas. Alas, I wasn’t aggressive enough. The lady in front of me cheered. She was in the midst of a shopper victory high.

Final hurrah:


What could I do? I had to get serious now. No more allowing people to get in front of me in line. No more games. I would weigh each tip accordingly. And after careful research I would soon realize that the Nintendo Wii would be my battle cry!

Stay tuned for Ballad of the Nintendo Wii: Part Two…

Hectic Films adds another entry in Fly on the Wall series - BY N.L. Belardes

Check it out. It's getting creepy...

Part 4:


Part 3:


Part 2:


Part 1:

Howard Owens talks Creative Commons while Big Ray and Bakotopia are spotted in virtual landscape - By N.L. Belardes

I thought recently about trying to join the Bakersfield Californian’s Board of Editors. I even talked to Logan Molen about it when I saw him at a punk rock show. He was encouraging. I didn’t do it, even though he advised that maybe I should. I think he was worried that I might argue with folks for the sake of arguing, even though the ad called for people who could argue. He was torn. I was torn. I backed off for now.

Ah well, what can I do? Besides, it’s good to reserve my right to be a thorn in the local media’s side from time to time.

Speaking of being a thorn. I noticed web-media-interactive guru, Howard Owens has been writing about Creative Commons, and that made me wonder about Bakotopia, and the Bakersfield Californian and whether or not they should consider Creative Commons. I mean, sharing is key, right?

Owens writes in "Creative Commons: Share and share alike":

Publishers should consider using CC on the web. At every newspaper I’ve ever worked at, we got calls from people asking if they could freely use our content (homeowners associations, churches, families wanting to share) and we had to field those calls and answer those questions. Of course, for non-commercial use, we always said yes. An explicit CC removes the need for people to ask.

And when you’re sharing, and you’re requiring a link back to your site, you’re helping to spread the word about your publication.

Sounds smart to me.

And there are several different Creative Commons licenses to choose from. In effect, this eliminates the middleman. People won’t have to ask for permission. They will need to give credit and link back in the online world.

I'm considering it.

In other thorny news, Howard Owens seemed to be giving Dan Pacheco a kick to the groin for what he thinks is wasting time on building the Bakersfield Californian empire in Second Life.

Second Life is a giant virtual world that you can literally invest money in. I went there using the free version, created a character named Paperback Otoole, wandered around, found a virtual kiosk that fed in Bakersfield.com headlines, and more.

Exploring further, I found Big Ray’s mug in virtual space. Does homeboy realize that like me, because we upload images to Bakotopia.com, that Danny Boy “Spuderooski” Pacheco can freely use our images, songs, and text to build a virtual Bakotopia in Second Life if he wants?


Paperback Otoole spots Big Ray in virtual landscape. Does Big Ray know?

Kind of scary. But then, I just talked about Creative Commons. Just link back to me, spuddy. You can take my content to the moon...

I took Paperback Otoole on a walk, saw the golden Bakersfield arch, and even saw a bunch of virtual Bakotopia mugs. Only problem is, if I wanted to pick one up, I would have to use REAL money! CRAZY!

Ay! I don’t have time for such investments!

But other folks and media entities do. They’ve invested in staff who can build and build on Second Life to attract folks who might want to spend money on virtual whatever. Talk about a cool job.

But to make money, you gotta sell papers, ads, get people to buy virtual mugs, or boat rides around your virtual property… there’s a million ways I suppose. I’ll have to take Paperback Otoole back now and then, just to let you know what I find… But only for brief visits. I don’t have the time. And Howard Owens wonders if Dan does.

Cheap plug for Dirty Spanglish - By N.L. Belardes

I'm always happy that my kids aren't on the streets gang tagging trees. Rural rock punk is much more productive:


Dirty Spanglish!

*Sidenote: I'm feeling guilty cause I missed their last show

Bakersfield's Blackboard Free Press dies... again - By N.L. Belardes

A moment of silence, please...

I received an email from Richard Bramer today informing me that The Blackboard Free Press will remain six feet under.

Read on:

Nick:

I regret to inform you, the readers of your blog and Bakersfield at large that Jason and I have spoken at length and cannot find an amicable way of resurrecting the Blackboard.

Thanks to everyone who offered their help and my apologies for not mentioning each of you by name. I've spoken to dozens of people who were volunteering their time and effort to the project. Perhaps at some time in the future we can try this again, but personally, I'm moving on to other projects for now.

God bless

Richard Bramer


Curious, I then asked, "Why not start up another paper under another name?"

Bramer responded:

Another paper? I don't really see the point. Other papers exist and will probably be struggling to survive. I didn't want to just start any old paper, I wanted to help with the survival of a Bakersfield icon, so to speak.

Flowers and wreaths can be sent to The Bard of Bakersfield. Maybe he'll write a trucker song about it.

For good or bad, the Fresno Bee buys fresnofamous.com - By N.L. Belardes

Currently I don't have an opinion on the fact that the best social networking/artist/citizen journalist website in Fresno, fresnofamous.com was purchased by the Fresno Bee.

You might.

Should all the Central Valley alt news sites be owned by the Main Stream Media? There's a reason there's no bakersfieldfamous.com. Bakotopia and Paperback Writer exist.

I guess I'm flying solo though in the Central Valley (in not being owned by the MSM)

... zzzzzzzoooom!

Opinion?

Read on...

*Thanks to J.S. for the tip.

Korn drummer takes a break - By N.L. Belardes

From MTV news:

Korn Quiet Down With The Cure, Amy Lee For 'MTV Unplugged'

Drummer David Silviera, absent from taping, is on hiatus from band; show to air in February.

NEW YORK — Walking away from Saturday's taping of "MTV Unplugged: Korn," one couldn't help but reflect on the fact that this band actually pulled it off.

Let's face it: Korn — who helped give birth to an entire genre of aggressive, hip-hop-imbued rock during the mid-1990s and have become renowned for delivering one of the most intense and brutal live shows around — and the word "acoustic" have never appeared in the same sentence until, well, right now. This is a band whose members scream through entire live sets with such force that they can be heard over the 120 decibels they're known for pumping out onstage. This is a band that doesn't rock sitting down. So how would tracks like "Got the Life," "Blind" and "Freak on a Leash" sound unplugged? Well, different, of course — but no less ominous, passionate or intimidating.

More news, CNN Reports, LiveDaily.com, Topix.net

Was Kenny Mount star-bedazzled?? - By N.L. Belardes

Kenny Mount of Bakersfield rural rock punk band, The Filthies, talks about being starfucked. Has it happened again? Or is this crazy punk mortician just pulling a fast one? Watch the video...

Hectic Films raids the Santa story bag with film short - By N.L. Belardes

Just when you thought Hectic Films had folded up their cardboard studio and moved to Hollywood, in comes another gem from the on-th-fly filmmakers from Bakersfield, CA.

Enjoy "A Hectic Films Christmas"




*side note: I would have posted last night but my computer was having tech difficulties

Dos Banditos Restaurant Reviews: Explore Your Gringo Dreams at La Tapatia - By N.L. Belardes and Willieboy

La Tapatia hidden away in a Bakersfield alley...

Willieboy Bandito:

As I sit here trying to keep my eyes open after another stomach stuffing Mexican meal, I find myself in a reflective mood. Today’s meal satisfied all of my Mexican food cravings, but it didn’t knock my socks off. On the other hand the chips and salsa were really good. We mowed them down until there were only the little tiny broken chips left. If you look closely- they look like miniature tortilla chips for… ants… well, maybe not that small, but surely too small for my sausage-like fingers to hold onto and dip. I’m never sure what to do in that situation. You have ample salsa left, but no secure means of getting it to your head. The chip is the delivery system. You know you’ve been there. Everyone staring at the half-filled bowl of crushed chips like chimps in Africa, trying to figure out how to get the ants out of the anthill. I’ve tried grabbing a wad of mini chips, like a crane at the dump, and dipping them altogether. But on the trip from the bowl to my mouth, it’s inevitable that there will be chip fragments dropping to the table, on my shirt, not to mention the unstable salsa dripping all over the place. No, just like the chimps… we need a tool. And a stick doesn’t help at all… thanks stupid chimps.






Willieboy: chips and salsa maestro

O.K., back to my reflective mood. I think sex and Mexican food are a lot alike. There, I said it. Maybe because it’s two of the things I think about a lot, so it is inevitable that I would start drawing comparisons. I enjoy both anytime of the day, any day of the week, even two days in a row! I look forward to the event with much anticipation, but immediately afterwards I’m thinking, “I have to get stuff done! But I have no energy to do it!” On the other hand I don’t feel gassy after sex… but I do feel like a nap. I’m not particular as to what it looks like either (Mexican food or sex partners). In the case of sex, morning bed head and crusty eyes are a turn on. In the case of today’s meal, each plate resembled vomit or possibly diarrhea, however I still couldn’t wait to dig in. When the waitress set the plates down, you couldn’t have stopped this consummation with a blast of cold water from a garden hose. And just like I said previously, it wasn’t the greatest food, but it wasn’t bad either. I’d do it again, but maybe try a different position… ah…er… selection.


Carne Guisada for the La Tapatia lovers

Speaking of selections, I had something called Carne Guisada. It sounded exotic, the description mentioned “tender chunks of beef simmered in it’s own juices along with onions and jalapeños." Sound familiar? That’s right, stew… albeit Mexican stew. Whatever. Throw anything in a flour tortilla, combine it with some rice and beans, and you have a hell of a meal. This is not true for sex. Warm flour tortillas with melted butter in them don’t really come in handy… or do they? I’ll get back to you on that.



La Tapatia
617 Chico Street

Chips and Salsa: **1/2
Food: **1/2
Service: ****
Atmosphere: ***

N.L. Bandito:

“History is a sea of books. Learn to swim,” my old history professor would say. I dare say, Mexican restaurants in Bakersfield are the same way. They’re everywhere and once you find them how do you tread water? And some are just far more hidden than others. Take La Tapatia. It’s one of the oldest Mexican food restaurants in Bakersfield. You’ve got to drive down a few inner city streets and alleys just to get to it. One old sign indicates it’s in an alley. If you’re not careful, you’ll walk up to the faded façade of a beauty salon and pound on the door demanding rice and beans. It’s kind of like exploring history itself: wild goose chases over books on 17th century sea exploration of the great windy isles of Newfoundland.

You know you love it.


Opened the year I was born: ancient!

Try reading Richard Hakluyt. Then try pronouncing his name! It’s not much different than seeing Willieboy and chingpea trying to pronounce Spanish words off menus. “Relleno” was particularly difficult for chingpea’s Filipina-Chinese “R”-rolling tongue. She’s more used to her own refinement of English and Tagalog. Ask her how to say the word, “Through.” Her eyes cross.





Of course we parked on Chico Street. That’s about as far from La Tapatia as you could get and still see one of the alley signs. The walk through old town Kern was fascinating, poverty-stricken, not too far cry from my own Oleander Street hovel. There was even an old Britney Spears urchin peddling her open skirt wares. Speaking of hovels, I have my own slum king I have to worry about who doesn’t fix doorknobs, although he does take my trash to the curb on Wednesdays. Every once in a while I tip him a dollar on my rent for such niceties.

Did I mention Willieboy is my landlord?


Willieboy: confident, cheap, and with a killer shirt

The fact that he gives me no rent discounts for his salsa critique bravado appearing on my blog is beside the point. He’s a self-declared cheapskate and proud to admit it. I know no other man who puts a book on eBay just as soon as he’s finished with it (maybe even before he’s done). Alas, I am far too sidetracked. But now you know why Willieboy used a coupon last week when he had to pay for lunch.

I ate at La Tapatia once in the 1990s. I loved it the first time, and never remembered how to return to its hidden location—thank goodness for Google maps.

The restaurant itself has a retro aire. Big booths, red-stained booth separators, and wood paneling just like my Mexican father once pasted onto walls of our old South Bakersfield home for that cabin fever feel.


La Tapatia is as retro as The Jetsons

I ordered Chile Verde Tomales: beef tomales smothered in verde sauce and pork. This was an $8 meal fit for a linebacker, complete with decent rice and beans (not the best, but decent). I ate about half of my meal. There was just a hill of food. The pork was a little dry, as were the tomales. But the sauce made the meal into a tasty treat.



That and the waitress was hilarious. She cracked jokes, didn’t seem to know Spanish very well (Either that or Willieboy was just having a bad day saying “Relleno”) and made our adventure into something much more than about food: exploring and finding a hidden restaurant, wandering past the Britney Spears ghost of Christmas future, and great conversation while battling for the last whole chips, and chingpea’s classic line when about to much on a relleno, “That looks like a...”



Chips and Salsa: **1/2
Food: **
Service: ***1/2
Atmosphere: ***


Read past Dos Banditos Restaurant Review articles:

Tortilla heaven at Senor Pepes
Mucha Lucha Salsa Libres at La Colonia
Cemitas Poblanas stirs the stomach acids
Hunter's paradise buffet at El Cazador
Authenticity at the Arizona Cafe
La Costa Earwig

***************************************

Michael "Willieboy" Willis is a grizzled 46 year old graphic artist. His studio, coincidentally called "Willis Design Studios", has been operating in Bakersfield for the last 26 years. His 15 minutes of fame came in 1997 when he co-authored a best selling book about webpage design titled "Web Pages That Suck". The rest remains a mystery. His personal page is www.willieboy.com.

N.L. Belardes is a novelist and blogger out of Bakersfield, California. He’s on myspace.com/nlbelardes and www.nlbelardes.com.

First Noveltown Bookshare in Hollywood shares the stage - By N.L. Belardes

Noveltown Bookshare in Hollywood!

When I first approached Rich Ferguson, contributor to The Nervous Breakdown blog, about a Noveltown Bookshare, I think we were both a bit skeptical. We had a lot to think about: Noveltown connecting to people and talking books? That was the key: connecting to new people. It quickly became an idea not about selling books as much as connecting people and ideas. It was about sharing and performing—a moment for the Indie people…

So Matildakay, chingpea and I traveled to Hollywood, California to The Ferguson bungalow, where we met Rich decked out in his usual straw hat and scarf. The very wonderful Yoga master, Jessica was in the house—as were a few bottles of vino. It was an instant treat to meet a poet like Ferguson who’d performed at so many cool places like Disney's Redcat hall, Beyond Baroque and more (He’d just returned from Brooklyn where one of his biggest performances was charming his way through a tranny bar).





Before I read from Lords: Part One I met some of the people who’d showed up. I talked to Conrad Romo, organizer of Hotel Café’s Tongue & Groove: Short Stories, Poetry, Personal Essays, Spoken Word & Music. The shows take place the last Sunday of each month…

The Tongue & Groove site reads:

You can play a significant part in growing Tongue & Groove. A couple of years ago, a not very good movie that had "fat" and "wedding" in the title was seen by a lot of people and became a big hit. Its run was aided largely by word of mouth. You, yes you can be very helpful and significant in stirring up a crowd and making T&G a big fat crowd-pleasing literary phenom. This unique event happens the last Sunday of every month. You can count on it to be word for word, note for note, and pound for pound a fine and cool experience.



Conrad and I stood in a small kitchen and talked about all the cool literary and poetry events in Los Angeles and how organizing events at the Hotel Café really makes a difference in his life. He does it out of his love for the exhilaration and energy he draws after seeing an inspiring performance.

Soon enough I gave a short reading. After talking some Bakersfield/Hollywood history I read Chapter 16 from Lords, where Joey Minstrel hangs out at the home of Ricky Rollins and ponders the idea of love for his lovers. Then I read Chapter 1 and my voice went out…

Out in the big blue Hollywood sky, this was the place where Karvac said Minstrel could meet everyone: Hollywood Blvd. and Sunset and Melrose; these are the streets on fire; streets killing everyone on them; streets picking boys like Karvac up and body slamming them in gutters as if they have arms to do that, as if they’re the ones that wrap you in quick alley fits to pump you full of their money, their junk and everything else running straight into your veins. Those streets with the scores on them. Minstrel had already met three between the hours of eight and ten. He thought he was getting better with every one. They’ll get you back behind the clubs—those hunched over buildings stuck on the rolling streets near Tower Records, in the limos passing along Vine, bisecting the great Hollywood vein; in the producer’s office overlooking the Studios; in his house, in his daughter’s bed; in front of his closest friends—all of them pouring wine over their ecstasy moment; even his friends over the big hill, where Minstrel didn’t really know he was about to take his next car ride into the fog-filled valley that has no Sunset Strips, no Santa Monica Boulevards, just a few parks where he can score, or a bus station where every heavenly one of Karvac’s Central Valley Bakersfield buddies light it up, hoping for the big man to come rolling in to a near empty room, just them sitting in it, and the big man cutting loose and whispering with his soft lusty gloom-filled tongue dripping in their ears, “Boys I don’t want no trouble. I just want you.” Over in the bus station downtown, it was often Karvac and the rest of the boys, all cozy and pretending they don’t know each other at any time of the day: at lunch hour, at 2am, at eight o’clock bus hour I-gotta-get-to-El Paso blues, “‘Cause we all want that same wad, that same stash,” Karvac says. So they all go. But not tonight. Tonight it’s Minstrel’s night in Hollywood…



Later Conrad Romo read several poems. He sat on a couch near a lamp and started to sweat as he flipped through pages….

Here are some video samples of Conrad Romo’s poetry:

Video 1:


Video 2:


Video 3: hilarious tongue twister scene...


Liz Foster then sang a few songs. Her atmospheric guitar work and moody vocals made for some dreamy party moments. This song rocks on my loud computer speakers at home. I’m amazed my camera picked up such quality…